Youk Gotta be Kidding or We’re Idiots for Caring.

By Carlo Rivieccio

The Yankees have a glaring hole at third base.

With Alex Rodriguez failing to stay healthy and on his second hip operation the Bombers went into the winter meetings hoping to retain Eric Chavez and platoon him with Jeff Keppinger.  Because, why have one injury prone aging corner infielder when you can have 3?

After failing to reel in either player and resisting the laughable rumor of picking up Mark “Strikeouts aren’t that bad” Reynolds, the Yankees turned their attention to Kevin “The Greek God of Walks” Youkilis.  Except He isn’t Greek.  And he doesn’t walk nearly as much as you think.

The deal is for 12 million for one year.  Signaling a desperation not seen in New York since Mattingly was bashing homers into empty seats.  Furthermore it means that the Yankees don’t expect much from Alex “I can’t believe I haven’t been arrested for theft under the little used ‘Marcedes Lewis Law’” Rodriguez.

As A baseball fan I have to say -

The way Youkilis was treated by the Red Sox was awful. He deserved better than the way he was treated. He’s a good player and I have said for years he would have been a great fit in Pinstripes. He takes a lot of pitches, can get on base and fields his position just fine.

Now as a Yankee fan I have to say -

I hate Kevin Youkilis.  I hate his giant stupid head.  I hate his ugly stupid goatee.  I hate his stupid physique.  I hate his stupid batting stance.  I hate his total cowardice towards Joba Chamberlain, a guy who’s his size, who threw at him.  I hate his stupid attempt to bully Rick Porcello, a smaller rookie who didn’t throw at him.  I hate his stupid face.  And he hated us.

This is why we’re idiots for caring.  Because I’ll cheer for him.  And if you’re a Yankee fan, so will you.  You’ll buy the jersey.  You’ll name him during roll call.

All of sudden that Physique will look a little sleeker in Pinstripes.

All of a sudden that Stupid Batting Stance is going to be “quirky” and “gritty” and “unique” and other euphemisms we give to awkward white guys.

And all of a sudden millions of people who just days ago were wishing ill on the player will scream “YOUUUUUUUK.”

And scream “Youk” we will.  We’ll all do it.  And we’ll do it as if we invented it.  As if any other team chanting it was just a precursor to us doing it.

And he’ll love it.  He’ll eat up the adulation.  He’ll tell the reporters how welcome he feels.  How great it is to play in the Bronx.  How great an organization it is.  Heck, he might even take a shot at the Red Sox to endear himself.  And we’ll love him for it.

All that negative energy directed at him, gone.  Dissppated into the ether.  Gone where the Yankee fan hate for Johnny Damon went.  How on earth can we reconcile this?  If this was any other part of life we would be sent away into a little padded room, because this is how crazy people act.

And maybe we are crazy.  Cause as a baseball fan, it’s a slightly ugly deal that could turn into a phenomenal bargain.

As A Yankee fan… GOOD JUMPIN’ JESUS WE DON’T HAVE TO DEAL WITH A-ROD CAUSE WE GOT -

YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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To contact Carlo or an other AFRSPorts Columnist please E-Mail: Conact@AFRSports.com

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