Weekly Pick’em With Steve and Alison
I love football.
I’m a football fanatic. I can’t get enough of football. I play fantasy football. I play real football. I watch football. I get excited thinking about football. I get slightly aroused typing the word football.
I love John Madden like he’s my grandfather. I think Fred Biletnikoff should be on Mount Rushmore. I narrate walking my dog in John Facenda’s voice. I own a football card autographed by Martin Mull.
He’s a Browns fan.
My girlfriend is Alison.
Until she met me, she couldn’t pick a football out of a lineup.
Hand me the keys, you fucking cocksucker.
Now, she can do that, but not much else. I like it like that. She doesn’t need to be a football fan. She can appreciate a good display of athleticism, occasionally casting a glance at the television and saying “Wow, that was pretty good, right?” after watching Calvin Johnson jump 30 feet in the air and catch a touchdown pass in traffic. She’ll also ask how my fantasy team is doing. But outside of those things, she could not possibly care less about the NFL.
Which is perfect for my little experiment.
We are bombarded with “experts” constantly pontificating and prognosticating on happenings in the NFL. An overwhelming majority of the time they are either a) stating the obvious or b) wrong. Are they really that good at predicting what’s going to happen? Are they even that good at pointing out what is actually going on? I’m not sure, at least when it comes to some.
That’s why I want to see if my girlfriend, who literally knows almost nothing about the NFL, can beat the so-called experts at their own game. Each week, I’m going to put her weekly picks against the spread in the NFL up against the experts over at CBS Sports. Just for fun, and probably my humiliation, I’m going to pair her’s up with mine and see who comes out on top. I’ll provide a further explanation for her picks and my picks.
Our picks will be posted soon. Let’s finally set the record straight – almost no one knows what their doing picking against the spread.
Steve Caronia is a New York City based physical therapist. He bet the blue sheets all throughout high school and never won once.