Brittney Griner and The Modern Freak Show
By: Carlo Rivieccio
I already have a migraine from this article. I already have agita from how you might react to this. Bear with me.
As the world continues to travel in its elliptical orbit, little things on this planet that in reality have no bearing on anything, make us little ape-creatures go crazy. We love sports. We love the status quo. We love when sports maintain a relative status quo. Don’t think that’s true? How does anyone older than 35 act whenever Helmet to Helmet hits draw fines? How does your Dad act when the 18th middle reliever comes in? How did we all react when LeBron James made his decision?
But soon the status quo is going to change. Not only in our lifetimes, but I think soon, we will see a woman play a major professional sport. And it’s going to freak people the hell out. And, most importantly, I firmly believe that whomever makes that giant first step, will actually create a much larger step back for whomever tries to follow. I do not believe, though I hope I am wrong, that the Female Jackie Robinson will be a Female Jackie Robinson.
Jackie Robinson not only broke the color barrier, but was also one of the greats at his position of all time. He completely changed the way a sport was played, scouted, secured and watched. And he was fucking awesome.
Also, as a college student, he could fly backwards.
The odds of a female coming in to break the gender barrier and also be one of the greats to ever play is wildly low. Larry Doby may be a Hall of Famer, but it took him nearly 40 years and the Veterans Committee to vote him in. Though not quite damning with faint praise, getting in with the Veterans Committee is not exactly a ringing endorsement. Sweetwater Clifton was the first Black player to sign an NBA contract. Earl Lloyd was the first Black Player in an NBA game. While Lloyd is a Hall of Famer and had a solid NBA career, when the top Power Forwards of all time are listed, his name will not be on the list. This does not denigrate what they accomplished or the importance of their success.
I just took a shot of Pepto.
When a woman finally breaks through into the Big 4 sports, it will be a major accomplishment. As each sport allows their first female into the league, it will place greater pressure on the remaining leagues to follow suit. But each sport has a specific niche to allow a woman to be successful. Each sport has its pitfalls and perils. And when they get away from the best possible situation for success it will make future success incredibly hard.
In Baseball, Eri Yoshida, is a 21 year old Japanese Knuckleball, who is nicknamed “The Knuckle Princess”. I can’t actually post anything related to the image results on Google. Anyway, Eri represents a womans best chance. She’s been drafted in Japan and has played professionally in Japan and the U.S.
That pitch has some movement on it. Could she be an actual, honest to God, Major Leaguer? Who knows. But it’s the best way. She doesn’t have to throw 95 (which a lot of male pitchers don’t do) and doesn’t need pinpoint precision (which again, a lot of dudes don’t have). Should she make it up the ranks, she could play in the AL and never worry about batting (which most male pitchers can’t do). While Eri herself will most likely not be the person to break the ranks, as a 5.44 ERA in the North American Baseball League will hardly turn heads, it represents the best path.
Now we start to get the the tricky area.
I have just eaten a roll of Tums. They taste awesome.
Lauren Silberman just auditioned to be a Kicker in the NFL. She became the first woman to attend a combine. Let’s make this perfectly clear: There is NOTHING, absolutely NOTHING, that Roger Goodell would love more, than to have a woman be invited to camp, legitimately compete for a spot and actually win. You don’t even have to get all three, one or two of those would give the NFL such great publicity that Goodell use to counter the fact that his stars are all getting concussions, his league is getting sued by former players and there’s a chance that someone could die on any given play.
So could a woman be a kicker or punter? Potentially. Odds are, a woman would not make it to the NFL as a Tight End or Left Guard, but could a woman, who played soccer and has a great leg make the switch? Possibly. It’s not easy, just ask Tony Meola, the US Goalkeeper who couldn’t make the Jets. But let’s say a Woman had a leg that could give consistency at 40 yards and accuracy. There’s not much downside. The kicker rarely has to get physical. On kickoffs when the returner gets by everyone and it’s just him and the kicker no one expects a tackle. The kicker is often running behind, making juuuuust enough effort to not dog it.
Now the problem of course is Lauren Silberman was terrible. Though claiming a quad injury had hampered her ability, her two kicks traveled a total of 30 yards, including bounces. Still, it’s a step in the right direction.
Brittney. Griner.
She can dunk. She dominates. She can dunk. She’s head shoulders above her competition. She. Can. Dunk.
It’s pretty intriguing. She’s obviously beyond her current situation. Should she continue to the WNBA, it is likely that her dominance will continue. She has had more blocks in a season than entire teams.
She could be in the NBA.
She should be in the NBA.
Because Brittney Griner in the NBA is a Freak Show.
A true life freak show.
And if you think that Freak Shows are a thing of the past, that Coney Island is the last holdout of a dead art, you are wrong.
Turn on TLC. It’s nothing but Freak Shows.
Here Comes Honey Boo-Boo, Gypsy Sisters, 19 Kids and Counting and Little People Big World and Welcome to Myrtle Manor are their top shows.
Make no mistake and buy no PR from the Networks. Those are all Modern Freak Shows. The Red Curtain has been taken down, the wooden signs with the Cyclops is gone and the Barker in the Loud suit has been replaced with TiVo, commercials and Twitter.
And America loves Freak Shows.
Brittney Griner would, as it is now, be a terrible NBA player. She’s listed at 6’8 and 208 pounds and plays Center. She’d be undersized for a power forward. She has not learned the skills needed to play the position she’s suited for. There are plenty of videos of her dunking, even throwing down a 360. But her ups are not exactly explosive and if you watch the video below, it looks like she’s running with lead weights in her shoes.
The Bobcats, the Pelicans, the Raptors could all use a little Razzle Dazzle. They need someone to make them interesting. They need a Freak. If Jordan drafts Griner in the second round all of a sudden the Bobcats are relevant. Jordan becomes a visionary. She doesn’t have to start, or even be in the rotation. Could Brittney Griner give you 5 minutes per game, grab maybe 1 rebound and score 1 point? Maybe. But that’s what the Heat are getting from James Jones and the Kings are getting from Cole Aldrich.
If Brittney Griner stepped on an NBA floor it would lead every newscast. If she scored it would be on ESPN for a week straight. If she dunked in an NBA game the internet would eat itself.
But she would be a Freak Show. Her talent deserves better than to be used for marketing. But it may be necessary to break the barrier in a poor situation to lead the way. And lead the way someone must. The most likely success a woman will have in the NBA (again, not the ONLY way) would be as a point guard. a 5’9″ guard with dribble and speed. Who wouldn’t be more than the 3rd guard on the team but could cause a little havoc.
A woman will play professional sports in the top leagues. We are already seeing the beginnings of the movement. Could a woman be a pitcher in the MLB? A Kicker in the NFL? A Forward in the NBA? Maybe. Could they be successful? Maybe. In order for the next generation of talent to develop, they need to know that they have a real shot. And sadly, for Brittney or someone just like her, they may have to serve as the sacrifice to focus groups and PSL’s. They may have to know that all their hard work is being used just to sell tickets in an openly hollow situation. But to get the respect needed someone has to take one for the good of the team. People watch Freaks. Women need their Freak.
To contact Carlo, or any AFR columnist, please E-Mail: Contact@AFRSports.com
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