As we all know, Peyton Manning and Tom Brady are fairly good at what they do.  They also happen to do the same thing.  They’ve done it at the same time for 11 years (if you exclude their injuries).  They’ve played against each other 14 times, and number 15 is coming up soon.  It may be the last time we watch them on the same field.  It’s as close as football has come to Bird and Magic.

The debate has rumbled on for years: which QB is better? No one can come up with a concrete answer.  Most answers aren’t backed by much other than “Peyton is a computer” or “All Tom Brady does is win”.  Neither of these are true.  They’re almost true, but I’m trying to find what actually is true.

Yesterday, I broke down the defenses Manning and Brady have each played with and tried to determine who had more help.  While the margin is a little slimmer than most might think, Tom Brady definitely had a better defense supporting him for most of his career, even if only because of the presence of Darth Sidious Bill Belichick.

The Dark side of the Force is strong within this one.

Let’s move on to our next topics: running backs and offensive lines.  Clearly, these two units are key to any football team and impact the play of the quarterback.  Is there a significant difference between them on Brady and Manning’s teams? Let’s find out.

First, and more complicated, let’s tackle the running back situation.  To start, lets have a gander at a few basic stats since 2001.

This table shows a few things.  First, the Patriots have outgained the Manning squads on the ground 8 of the 11 years Manning and Brady were both healthy by an average of about 200 yards (1859-1662).  Their yards per carry are pretty comparable, with their average within 0.1 of each other (3.95 to 3.85).  What I find interesting is that neither team had a sustained run of ranking very highly.  The Patriots ranked in the top 10 four times but were a little sporadic, and Manning’s teams never ranked higher than 15th.  They were both average in yards per carry.

To complicate things, let’s look at each teams’ top rated RB in DYAR, FBO’s Defense Adjusted Yardage Above Replacement.  This is sort of a sum total of value of a player over time (you can get a full explanation here).  The results are interesting.

Manning’s teams win here, with 7 running backs ranking in the top 8 in DYAR (including a great 5 year run from Edgerrin James and Joe Addai).  The Patriots have Corey Dillon, Laurence Maroney, Benjarvis Green-Ellis, and Stevan Ridley each land in the top ten, but this inconsistency in telling.  Corey Dillon had most of his good years in Cincinnati, the others haven’t strung 2 good years together yet despite being productive.  Edgerrin James was the only true franchise back either of these two have ever had.  Joe Addai probably could have been one, but he couldn’t stay healthy.

So what does all this mean? Before we answer, let’s look at the o-line.

If we look at Football Outsiders again for their o-line run blocking metric, we see another score for the Patriots running game.

The Patriots have had a top 5 run blocking line for the past 6 years Brady has been healthy, including 3 times ranked at #1.  Manning’s teams had a few good years too, but were more inconsistent.  Overall, the Patriots average rank is #8, while Manning’s teams are #12. Not a huge difference, but slightly better.

So what’s the sum total of all this? My two takeaways are as such:

Manning’s teams had better talent at running back.

Brady’s teams were better at running the football.

Manning had one of the most dynamic RBs of the early 2000′s in James.  He almost had a great one with Addai.  After a drought for a few years, he’s got one in Knowshon Moreno.  You can’t deny that talent (not to mention all three backs are stellar at catching passes out of the backfield). Having a great RB makes a QB’s life easier.

Brady, however, has had some of the best platoon back sets in recent memory.  Kevin Faulk, Sammy Morris, and Antowain Smith don’t scare anyone on an individual basis.  But together, with changing personnel and looks fooling the defense, they were pretty productive. The Patriots have also rushed for more attempts for the season 9 times out of 11.  They have a commitment to run the ball, even at the peak of Brady’s powers.  The Colts let that slip here and there, especially towards the end of Manning’s career there.

In addition, the o-line had better numbers, despite FBO stating that a better back would probably make those number look better than they are.  One would think the RBs leading in DYAR would make this happen, but that’s not the case.

So, in the end, I’m calling this a draw.  Manning had the help of more talented backs, but Brady was part of a system that worked.

Finally, let’s talk briefly about offensive lines and pass protection.  Protection is so crucial to a QBs that lack of it has literally ended careers (pour one out for David Carr).  As expected, the Patriots and Colts knew this.  So do the Broncos.  Take a look at FBO’s adjusted sack rate for these guys:

Pretty damn good.  The last time either of them placed outside the top 10 was in 2003.  Manning’s teams have been #1 on the list 6 times and #2 4 times.  Brady’s team has been damn good, in the top 10 10 of 12 healthy years for Brady.  These franchises knew ho to protect their bread n’ butter.  Manning’s people just did it a little better.

Well, until this happened.

The adjusted sack rate leaves out the fact that a quarterback’s quickness of release and pocket presence will skew the numbers.  Luckily for us, Brady and Manning are 1 and 1A in these characteristics and have been for 10 years (for example, this year Manning was the fastest draw, last year it was Brady).  Who has better pocket presence? This is like asking who has a better sleeper hold between Brutus the Barber Beefcake and the Million Dollar Man Ted DiBiase. It’s an unanswerable question.

All in all, today we see that each QB had certain advantages and disadvantages at running back, leading to a draw.  The Patriot’s line was better at run blocking, but Manning was a little better protected in the pocket.

Let keep a tally as to who got more from each unit.

Defenses: Tom Brady (by a slimmer than you thought but significant margin)

Running game: Draw

Pass Protection: Manning (by a legitimately slim margin)

Next time, let’s talk about playoff matchups.  Who’s paths to glory were more difficult?

After each leading their respective teams to victory this past weekend, Peyton Manning and Tom Brady are stepping into the ring to square off in the AFC Championship Game in Denver on Sunday afternoon.  This will be the 15th meeting of these two quarterbacks, with Tom Brady’s Patriots sporting a 10-4 record against Peyton Manning led squads throughout their illustrious careers.  They’ve met in the playoffs 3 times, with Brady’s Patriots leading 2-1.

Manning and Brady have been linked to one another throughout their careers and will forever be linked in NFL folklore.  Entering the league 3 years apart, they’ve been leading their teams to the top of the AFC standings year in and year out.    They’ve played most of their carer side-by-side and have exceptionally remarkable resumes.  Both are in the discussion for the greatest quarterback to ever play the game.

So who’s better?

We’ve all debated this at some point.  Many people have written about it.  I keep hearing and seeing the same crap over and over again, to be honest.  We compare their numbers.  Their MVPs.  Their win-loss record.  At the end of the day, there are a handful of tenets that people espouse with certainty:

Manning has better numbers, but it was because of his superior weapons.

Brady is much better in the clutch, Manning has a tendency of choking.

Wins are all that matter, and Brady has the most wins.

Manning controls the game more than any QB of this generation and maybe more than in any generation.

Well, we know for sure who has better hair.

Valid points all.  But there’s got to be more to it.

Believe it or not, the wins argument is the weakest to me.  The idea of attributing wins to quarterbacks is a creation of fans and the media.  Teams win football games, and this is true in football more than any other major sport.  In the NBA, a superstar and 11 scrubs can make it to the finals.  In baseball, a dominant pitcher can essentially win a game by himself.   Try playing at an elite level at the quarterback position with a porous offensive line, no running back, and receivers who can’t catch.  Try winning games with a defense who can’t make any plays.  I don’t care how good you are, it is not happening. Ask Adrian Peterson.  Ask Dan Marino.

This is not meant to say throw wins in the garbage.  QBs obviously impact the outcome of the game more than any other player on the field (unless, maybe, you’re Lawrence Taylor).  But what I’m saying is this: there are thousands of events in a single football game that blend together to determine the outcome.  Sometimes one event that has NOTHING to do with the quarterback can swing a game.  How can we compare two players based solely on wins when so many other factors come into play?  Even for pitchers, where wins and losses are actually an “official” stat and the game is way more individualized, more educated fans know that W-L record is a poor way to evaluate a pitcher.

So why the hell would we do it in football?

Having said all that, I’ve set out on a mission to determine the truth about Peyton Manning vs Tom Brady.  I’m weighing the things that matter and asking a lot of questions.  How good have each QBs defenses been? What about the o-lines? Running games? Coaches? Opponents in the playoffs? What’s the truth about individual playoff performances?  If a handful of balls bounce the other way, how would that effect the outcomes of the game?

One element that I’m leaving out of this entire argument: receivers.  For the most part, Tom Brady has had to do more with less at receiver.  Sometimes, he has not, especially as the Patriots have evolved their offense to rely more on Brady than early in his career.  But the relationship between QB and WR is too symbiotic for me to know for sure who is affecting who more.  Manning probably wins in this department, and it is a typical crutch for Brady sympathizers.  But how do we know how good Marvin Harrison would have been without Manning? What about Reggie Wayne? Randy Moss joined the Patriots and set the record for TDs in a season.  Brady was good enough to make him better, but the reverse was true as well. It’s impossible to know the precise truth.

So I’m going to spend more time talking about the things that are less reliant on the QBs themselves.  I’ll also look at individual playoff game performances and point out a few things that people forget about Manning and Brady.  For the most part, I’m going to look at how they’ve performed since both entered the league. I’m excluding the number from the 2 years each didn’t play because of injury.

Who would you have rather gone with to prom?

I want to know once and for all: who is better?

PART I: THE DEFENSES

As I mentioned before, lots of things happen in a football game that have nothing to do with the quarterback but have a tremendous impact on the outcome of the game.  There’s no better example of this than a team’s defense.  So, if we want to talk about who won more games, we need to talk about defenses.

Manning people love to talk about how Brady always had superior defenses helping him along.  He had evil genius Bill Belichick running his teams and masterfully filming the other team’s practices coming up with stellar game plans.  Manning’s defenses didn’t quite stack up.  Is this true for their entire careers?  Who really has had the support of a better defense in the larger sample size?

Let’s look at a few defensive stats and figure this out. First, let’s look at points allowed.

As you can see from this table, Brady has had to do a little less work in this career to put up enough points to win.  The Patriots have never finished lower than 17th in points allowed.  They’ve had 9 top ten finishes and 5 were in the top 5.  Even in recent years, where the defense was not perceived as being as stout as in the early 2000′s, the Pat’s numbers look pretty solid. Manning’s teams, on the other hand, haven’t been abysmal, but they aren’t the Patriots.  They’ve got 6 top ten finishes and have finished as low as dead last.  If you count back to Manning’s rookie year, he’s played for 5 teams who didn’t crack the top 20. Overall, Brady’s teams have averaged 8th best in the NFL in points against.  Manning’s teams have averaged 15th.

So what, you say?  There are better ways to measure a team’s defense than mere points against.  What about turnovers?  Some teams let up a few more points and get more takeaways.  This is true.  Let’s take a look:

Judging from these numbers, you can see that the Colts/Broncos aren’t too shabby in this department, but again the Patriots are ahead.  They force more turnovers in 8 of the 11 years since 2001 and average 5 more each year.  That’s a lot of short fields.

Let’s get a little more intense and look at DVOA, Football Outsiders’ metric for measuring efficiency.

Very interesting results.  The picture looks a little muddier now.  In fact, Manning’s teams actually have a slightly better average than Brady’s, 15 to 15.16.  DVOA takes the opponents into account and adjusts the number accordingly.  I guess it’s meaningful that the Pat’s played a lot of games against some rough Jets, Bills, and Dolphins teams during this era.  Taking opponents into account, it’s a dead heat.

I’m somewhat a believer in advanced metrics, but I don’t like to throw out traditional statistics.  DVOA is attempting, in a nutshell, to count every single play that occurs throughout a season.  It weighs and balances each play according to importance and opponent.  It speaks to the falsehoods that Manning was always carrying a crappy defense and that Brady was always supported by a great one.

But…

It’s still no accident that the Patriots let up way less points and force way more turnovers.  This, I attribute to the brilliance of Bill Belichick.  His teams are rarely in the wrong place at the wrong time.  They (often) make plays when needed.  They bend but don’t break.   Belichick makes outstanding mid-game adjustments, better than any coach in football and as good as anyone all-time.  This all adds up to more turnovers and less points.  We can see this in many playoff games where the Patriots make fantastic offenses look ordinary (the only bigger surprise than the Greatest Show On Turf scoring 17 in the Super Bowl against the Pats was…the Pats juggernaut offense scoring 14 against the Giants).  Brady has played his entire career alongside an in-game defensive master (you can ask Manning himself if this is true).  The closest Manning has come to that was 7 years with Tony Dungy, who, as good as he was, was no Bill Belichick.

Indirectly, this may point to why Brady didn’t have the same great weapons for the first few years in his career.  The Patriots identity was a blue-collar, workhorse team.  It wasn’t for a few years that they built an offense around Brady that was truly formidable.  Which, by proxy, means that they didn’t ask a ton from Brady.  He was a happy accident.  He just showed up and was awesome.  The Colts planned to make Manning their focal point from day one.

All in all, Tom Brady has gotten more help from his defenses over the years than Peyton Manning.  Less points, more short fields, better game planning.   In the debate on who’s a better QB, score this one for Manning, even if its by a slimmer margin than many people thought.

Tomorrow, come back and take a look at Part II: The Offensive Lines and Running Games as we forge ahead and learn the truth about Manning vs Brady.

The biggest issue for the Hall of Fame is what constitutes as a Hall of Fame Career.

With the offensive numbers being rethought, is 3,000 hits, or 500 homers a guarantee?

Is it the Hall of Fame (Babe Ruth) or the Hall of Really Good For A Really Long Time (Craig Biggio…eventually)

At what point does the Eye Test give way to Advanced Metrics?

And can advanced metrics really replace the Eye Test?

I mean if you’re not a Hall of Famer the first 14 times you’re eligible…

So the way to fix the Hall of Fame, and I mean EVERY SINGLE Hall of Fame is to create an actual set of rules to define a Hall of Fame Career.

HOW TO DEFINE A HALL OF FAME CAREER

1.  Did you ever have your own video game franchise or were a cover athlete on a Video Game?

If you had your own video game franchise then it stands to reason that you were famous and awesome.  Since it takes a long time to make a game and get the legalities of licensing done, you are probably famous and awesome for some time.

As individual athletes are not getting their own franchises anymore, the cover athlete is the new gauge.  While it can only one per sport game, it’s a good bet to say that if you were the cover athlete then you were a combination of great and famous for a season.  The downside to this is, as it’s a one season thing and they rotate cover athletes you have the opportunity to get a “Peyton Hillis” and not a “Peyton Manning.”

This Game Is Awesome.  Also, Hall of Famer.

In: Derek Jeter, Frank Thomas, Tony Parker, Charles Barkeley,

Out: Hillis, Craig Biggio, Larry Johnson

2.  Did friends make rules about not playing as you in a Video Game?

A much forgotten video game, NFL FEVER 2003 got played a lot in my dorm room.  It had a few elements that Madden eventually stole.  But the biggest thing about it was that Marshall Faulk was un-freaking-stoppable.  To the point where it stopped being fun to play against the Rams.  So Paul and I made a rule, either no one could be the Rams, or we both could be.  And so it came to be that nearly every game played in that Dorm Room was Rams vs. Rams.

And let’s not forget that Michael Vick changed an entire video game franchise by being incredible.

In: Bo Jackson, Michael Vick, Marhsall Faulk, Manny Ramirez, Scottie Pippen (NBA Jam), Shaquille O’Neal, Tim Wakefield

Out: Craig Biggio, Toni Kucoc, Vince Young

3.  Would someone reset a draft because the computer took you early?

If you play Madden and claim that you never reset a franchise draft because you got a bad pick, you are a filthy liar.

In: Peyton Manning, Tom Brady, Wayne Gretzky, Sidney Crosby,

Out: Any kicker ever

4.  Is your rookie card worth a sum of money greater then $1.00 prior to your election?

It’s pretty simple business.  If you are great then your card has value.

If your rookie card is on EBay and it’s going for 30 cents, you’re not a hall of famer.

If your rookie card was ever part of a give-away on HSN, you’re not a Hall of Famer.

In:

Graded. Asking 1,500.

Out:

My favorite player of all time. Asking 50 cents. He’s not getting it.

5.  Were you ever absolved of a crime, that if you weren’t so good, would have gotten you fired from any other job?

One day we’ll have to explain to our alien overlords that while laws were very important, if it somehow interfered with football, baseball, basketball or the college versions of those sports, we would generally let it slide.

If you ran a gun, drug, crime, murder ring and got away with it, you might be a hall of famer.

Because as a society we find rape disgusting and abhorrent, unless of course there’s a big game in which case it wasn’t actually rape, but a Sherriff that hates my school trying to get over.

In: OJ Simpson, Jameis Winston, Ty Cobb

Out: Sam Hurd, Lenny Dykstra, Elijah Dukes, Rafael Palmeiro

6.  Do people ask your opinion on sports even though you are babbling moron/horrible person/there is no possible way you can explain your greatness to others?

Listen for reason, people seem to think that they can ask Magic Johnson what Iman Shumpert should do in certain situations.  Ever the showman you’ll get a good answer about the game.  But the fact is, there is nothing, NOTHING that Magic Johnson, Larry Bird, Michael Jordan, Derek Jeter, Ken Griffey Jr can tell a reporter or another athlete.

Is their answer supposed to be “Well in that situation you should just see four moves ahead and let time slow down.”

Because that’s the only thing they can actually say!

The Babbling idiot part doesn’t really come into baseball as there are so many voices that they don’t need ex players, but football?  Sweet Baby Jesus!

Most importantly, you can NOT be a TV guy because of your “dedication”, “Hustle”, or “work ethic.”  Those are all code words for “not that great”, which is WHY you make a great TV guy.

In: Emmitt Smith, Shaq,

Out: John Kruk, Joe Girardi, Ron Darling

7.  What is your Hotient?

This is essentially the Derek Jeter Wing of the Hall Of Fame.

Famous women love famous athletes.  And you can tell a Hall of Fame Career by the ladies he’s been with.

Derek Jeter dated Mariah Carey, when Mariah Carey was still hot, and she may not even be in the top ten of the girls he’s been with.

A-Rod has Kate Hudson and Madonna (Two Golden Globes and an Oscar nominee)

Tony Parker had Eva Longoria.

That’s hall of fame trim for Hall of Fame athletes.

Lamar Odom has the one Kardashian that looked like she drank from the wrong cup of Christ.

Pictured: Khloe Kardashian?

So if you tally the length of your career by the sheer amount of crazy hot women you are with you come up with your Ho Quotient or y0ur “Hotient!”

In: Derek Jeter, A-Rod, Wayne Gretzky, Tom Brady

Out: Lamar Odom, Tony Romo

8.  Were you in a movie, either as yourself or named after a deity?

Ty Cobb was the first athlete to star in  movie.  He was the greatest to ever play ball.  It was all downhill from there.

 

Yeah Barry, your hat size is the same…

In: Barry Bonds, Ken Griffey Jr, Ray Allen

Out: Kevin Elster, Gary Payton

9.  Did you do a shitty local commercial?

Adam Graves was a great hockey player.  When he helped the Rangers win the Stanley Cup the sky was the limit.  So what did he do?

Somehow its WORSE in my memory

If you are so good at what you do, that local business will give you a free car just so you can use your celebrite to hock their product, your a Hall of Famer.  If the local business will go nearly broke just to have you, your a Hall of Famer.

And if you are fucking awful in it, to the point where there is no acting coach in the world that could save, that a wooden plank at Lowe’s has more range, that it makes no sense because you’re rich and why the hell would you go to Brooklyn to buy a Volvo…You might just be a Hall of Famer

In: Adam Graves,

Out: Peyton Manning (he’s national)

10.  Did People actually give a shit about you?

This really is the argument against the Advanced Metrics crowd.  Because you can tell me about VORP and Park Adjusted Defense Accumulated Swing and Miss Ration.  You can go on and on about WAR and what it is good for (absolutely nothing).  But the fact remains, no matter how high Craig Biggio’s WAR was, no matter how low Jack Morris’s Innings adjusted, League Inflated, Time Differentialed ERA was, no one, absolutely no one, outside of the women that birthed those guys, gave a shit about them.

Nobody ever said, “Get in the car son, we’ve gotta go see Biggio hit a double!” or “Jack Morris is in town? Well GOOLLLLEEEEY! We’ve gotta see him give up 4 runs in 7 innings before we die!”

And somehow, despite managing 3,000 hits, 500 homeruns and one congressional lie, Rafael Palmiero is a guy that no one, ever, at any time, truly gave two shits about.  That’s impressive.  And That means you’re NOT a hall of Famer, Rafael.

In: Derek Jeter, Barry Bonds, Roger Clemens, Mike Piazza

Out: Craig Biggio, Jack Morris, Tim Raines, Rafael Palmeiro

And That’s the point.  Craig Biggio is going to be a Hall Of Famer – FAME – despite not having FAME.  We need to redefine what the word FAME means, or what the Hall is about.  Greatness?  or Goodness?

But if you look up my rules, and you can do well by them, You are absolutely a Hall of Famer!

Tell Carlo what else needs to be a rule: Tweet to @AFR_Sports

I like Chris Kluwe.

A lot.

He’s a smart guy.  A thoughtful guy.  He “gets it” in my opinion, if that makes any sense.  He also seems like a cool, down to earth guy.  Kluwe actually answered a series of questions I posed to him about the crown of the helmet rule a while ago and, without blinking, allowed us to put it on our site.  Pretty awesome.

So please, don’t consider what I’m about to say a smear campaign. I swear its not.

However…I think Kluwe’s recent claims in his piece on Deadspin are mostly bogus.   His follow up Q&A with USA Today doesn’t help either. I’m not saying he’s lying about what was said (how the hell would I know that, anyway), but there are a number of problems with his self-assessment as a punter and the timing with which he’s saying all this.

Let’s talk about Kluwe as a punter.  He makes a lot of claims in this article that are true but a fantastic exercise in lying with statistics.  He uses his numbers to bolster his argument that his outspoken nature and opinions being in direct disagreement with Mike Priefer were the primary reasons behind him being “fired”.  I don’t think his argument is very compelling.

First, Kluwe says that his “gross average in 2012 was almost exactly my career average”, a statement which is true.  What he is omitting is where that steady average ranks in the NFL year to year.  In 2007, when Kluwe signed a 7 year, $8.735 million contract, he was ranked 8th in the NFL.  Pretty good and deserving of a contract.  Here’s his rankings after that: 4, 15, 21, 13, 22.  So, while Kluwe kept up his average, much of the league seemed to have passed him by.  In his Q&A with USA Today, Kluwe reiterated how his numbers where “the same as they’d always been” but again, it’s clear they were not the same relative to the rest of the NFL.

This leads me to my second point: while Kluwe says he is “statistically the greatest punter in Vikings history”, he is again playing with numbers.  If you look at the top 100 single season punting averages in NFL history, a whopping 68 of them occurred since Kluwe entered the league in 2005 (Kluwe has one of them, 47.6 in 2008, good for 34th).  What does this say? That if you use average yards per punt (Kluwe’s measure, it seems) to gauge a punter’s greatness, then almost EVERYBODY in the last 8 years is their team’s greatest punter of all time.  Punters kick farther than they used to, period.

Kluwe also speaks about how he was told by Priefer to punt “higher and shorter, because our coverage team sucks”.  This is probably true, and Kluwe is undoubtedly using this piece of information to prove that he sacrifices his “numbers” for the team.  Unfortunately, Pete Damilatis of Pro Football Focus pointed out the following on Twitter:

Kluwe says he sacrificed distance for hang time, but 26 punters forced more fair catches in 2012.

— Pete Damilatis (@PFF_Pete) January 3, 2014

and

And Kluwe says he focused on protecting a poor coverage unit, but his 56.9% Return Rate was 4th-highest in the NFL.

— Pete Damilatis (@PFF_Pete) January 3, 2014

Fair catches and return are influenced by said coverage unit, but Damilatis makes a great point. In addition:

Overall, Kluwe's +9.9 PFF grade was 25th among punters in 2012. Based purely on performance, it wasn't crazy for MIN to cut him.

— Pete Damilatis (@PFF_Pete) January 3, 2014

So while Kluwe thinks that he’s been consistent and undeserving of losing his contract, the way he stacks up to other punters (the very ones he mentions getting long contracts) is sorely lacking.

Kluwe is an intelligent guy and is acutely aware of his place in the pecking order as a punter in the NFL (right or wrong).  He wrote this to the NFL Hall of Fame selection committee decrying the fact the Ray Guy and every other punter in history are absent from Canton.  He also had a partly funny/partly awkward/partly inane exchange with a former NFL tight end about the punters place in the pecking order, among other things.  Point being, Kluwe knows that his status as a punter is going to make him more susceptible to being dropped.  Still he insists that his conflict with Priefer is the main impetus and that “those actions do not make sense. You don’t replace a veteran guy who’s clearly still performing.”

Um…is he serious? Productive NFL veterans get cut every single year by the dozens as cap casualties.  Shit, veterans in corporate America get “cut” for lower paid, younger prospective employees every frigging day.  Does he really think it’s unusual that a punter with a declining performance relative to his peers got cut so they could sign a rookie for 1/3 the price? This happens constantly in the NFL to players who play every position.

I won’t say that Kluwe’s outspoken nature had NOTHING to do with his being released, but it may have just expedited the process, not caused it.  My lifting coach had a saying about relationships: “The fuckin’ you’re gettin’ better be worth the fuckin’ your gettin’.”  And a punter with middling performance, calling the player’s union most high-profile representatives “douchebags” during a labor dispute, drawing negative press with disparaging comments about the pope, and calling an elected official a “fromunda stain” may not be worth the fuckin’ the Vikings were gettin’.  I’ll bet those issues weighed on the Vikings’ management more than Kluwe’s views on homosexuality did.  Kluwe even mentioned getting a vote of confidence on the issue from the owner of the team.  Preira had a bigger voice than him? C’mon.

Look at guys like Terrell Owens and Randy Moss.  They were insufferable at times, drawing negative attention and controversy at every turn.  Probably did WAY more to hurt their teams than Kluwe ever did.  But the only time the stopped playing was when the balance of their value added to the team teetered lower than what they detracted from it.  A player like Kluwe sits on a much more precarious perch.

The most disheartening part of this entire saga is that the dialogue will probably not be directed where it should be, and a huge reason for that is Kluwe himself.  He makes it very clear what his aim is:

and then…

Kluwe comes across as making this about himself.  Not homophobia.  Not eliminating anti-gay diatribe from NFL locker rooms and anywhere else for that matter.  Now, I don’t think Kluwe actually feels that way, especially given his track record as an activist.  Sadly, that’s how many people are going to perceive this.  In addition, he waited until it was apparent that getting a job in the NFL was highly unlikely before coming out with this story.  The public is going to have more debate questioning the skill, character, and integrity of Kluwe than they will worrying about whether or not Priefer is a bigot and if there are many other coaches like him enshrouded throughout the league.  Just like I’m inclined to do right now.

As we saw with the Martin/Incognito situation, NFL locker rooms are often divided in these scenarios (or at least they seem that way on the surface).  We’ll see what unfolds in the coming days/weeks.  My biggest hope is that the discussion shifts away from Chris Kluwe and towards the acceptance and tolerance he so persistently advocates.

Name for me one other day where you can drink, eat tons of fantastic food, lay down, watch football all friggin day, pass out, and possibly eat again…and this is all considered a-ok! You don’t have to feel bad for being a slovenly person. You owe no one any explanations.  It’s just what you do.  It’s truly glorious.

American Football has been a part of Thanksgiving since 1892 (crazy, right?)  There’s nothing like a few great NFL matchups while your body deals with the horrifying gastronomic assault it just endured moments ago.  There have been many great performances in years past, so let’s stroll down memory lane and talk turkey. In no particular order, here’s the ten best performances on Thanksgiving since the turn of the millennium.

1. Tom Brady -2010 @ Detroit Lions – 21/27, 341 yards, 4 TDs, 0 INT, 94.7 QBR, 158.3 passer rating.

I hate this man.

The poor Lions.  They’ve played on Thanksgiving every year since 1945.  They’re only 33-37-2 all-time, and in recent years have been subject to some major beatdowns.  They’ve suffered so many indignities.  This Tom Brady performance spearheaded one of the more memorable ones.  Facing the Shaun Hill-led Lions, the Patriots were down 24-17 with just over 5 minutes left in the third quarter. Then, Tom Brady unleashed hell. Brady launched a 79-yard bomb to Deion Branch to tie it up, and then hit Branch and Wes Welker for one TD each to pull ahead by two scores.  The only reason Brady didn’t have a rushing TD as well is that he got stuffed twice at the goal line.  Another uber-efficient Brady performance and another Lions letdown, as the Pats rolled 45-21.

2. Brian Westbrook – 2010 vs Arizona Cardinals – 22 carries, 110 yards, 3 receptions, 20 yards, 4 total TDs

Brian Westbrook, at his peak, was an absolute nightmare for opposing defenses.  He could do it all, and the only thing that was ever able to stop him was his health.  This game exemplifies what Westbrook was able to do on the field.  He was nearly impossible to stop near the goal line, scoring on a 5 yards catch, 1 yard run, 2 yard catch, and 9 yard run.  This game, a 48-20 blowout for the Eagles, was (shockingly) a preview of the NFC Championship game that year.  The Cardinals won 32-25 on their way to the Super Bowl, and it was no small part to bottling up the mercurial Westbrook.

3. Chris Johnson and LenDale White – 2008 @ Detroit Lions – 39 carries, 231 yards, 4 TDs

You have not seen this happen with Shonne Greene. Only one chubby running back works well with CJ2K.

Yes, I’m counting Johnson and White as one person.  In 2008, the Titans had a stout defense and punishing “Smash and Dash” rushing attack led by rookie Chris Johnson and 3rd year USC star LenDale White.  They combined for 2001 yards to go with 24 TDs as the Titans marched to a division title.  This game was a great example of what the duo was capable of doing with their version of thunder and lightning (one of the few incarnations that actually worked well).  Johnson had 16 carries for 123 yards and 2 TDs (one an electrifying 58 yard scamper), while White had 23 carries for 106 yards and 2 TDs.  The Lions took a 47-10 pounding in this one, on the way to their ignominious 0-16 season.

4. Brad Smith – 2010 vs Cincinnati Bengals – 201 total yards, 2 TDs

Brad Smith was a great offensive and special teams weapon for the Jets.  This game was a great example of how someone like that can carry a team when the offense struggles mightily.  Smith scored on a 53 yard run and an 89 yard kickoff return in a game where the rest of the team had serious trouble moving the ball against a 2-win team.  Here’s the fantastic kickoff return, most notable for the fact that his shoe fell off less than halfway through.  I miss you, Brad.

5. Tony Romo – 2006 vs Tampa Bay Bucs – 22/29, 306 yards,  5 TDs

I wanna throw this many like Peyton!

I remember this game vividly.  I was watching this game with my cousin, who is a big Cowboys fan.  On a whim, I started Romo on my fantasy team during a crucial late season playoff run.  We now refer to this game as “The Day Tony Romo Became A Man.”  In only his 5th NFL start, Romo eviscerated the Bucs defense after a slow start to the game.  He badly missed Terry Glenn and Terrell Owens on wide-open long passes, prompting a “here we go” from my cousin, fearing disaster was striking.  But instead, Romo took over, igniting his love-hate relationship with Cowboys fans the world over.

6. Terrell Suggs – 2011 vs San Francisco 49ers – 3 tackles, 3 sacks, 2 TFL

Seconds later, they beat the shit out of each other.

This goes to Suggs as a representative of the Baltimore Ravens defense, which beat up on the 49ers like John Harbaugh probably did to his little brother Jim when they were in grade school.  In the first Harbaugh Bowl, Suggs led the defense by hitting QB Alex Smith 3 times in addition to his 3 sacks.  The Ravens D as a whole was an immovable object.  They allowed only 170 yards of offense, tallied 9 sacks and 9 TFL, picked off Smith once, and hit him 12 times.  They basically spent as much time in the Niners backfield as I did at the dining room table that day.

7. Robert Griffin III – 2012 @ Dallas Cowboys – 19/27, 304 yards, 4 TDs, 1 INT, 29 rushing yards

This year, RGIII looks hobbled, his team is awful, and he seems to have a penchant for throwing his teammates under the bus and displaying questionable leadership qualities.  One short year ago, all he did was make play after play, leading the Redskins to a surprise division title while showing his incredible skill set and poise right from week 1 against the Saints.  This game was no different.  After building a 28-3 lead after tossing 68 and 59 yard scores in the second quarter, RGIII helped withstand a furious Cowboys comeback attempt in the second half.  Big time performance on the big stage for a rookie.

8. Brett Favre – 2007 @ Detroit Lions 31/41, 381 yards, 3 TDs, 91.5 QBR

Not shown: obscene photos sent to this turkey prior to eating.

We all know Brett Favre is a gunslinger, taking risks that often win games but sometimes lose them.  However, when Favre was efficient, he was impossible to stop.  This game, yet another disappointing loss for the Lions, showed off how good Favre could be.  Completing 75% of his passes to 8 different receivers, Favre carved up the defense like a succulent Turducken.  I wonder which John Madden raved about more that day?

9. Peyton Manning – 2004 @ Detroit Lions – 23/28, 236 yards, 6 TDs

Manning joined the fun in beating the Lions on Thanksgiving this year while he was on his way to breaking the passing touchdown record in 2004. He got 6 of his 49 TDs here.  This game was a complete laugher, and Manning got to sit after 3 quarters.  Which means he threw 6 TDs.  In 3 quarters.  The fact that Manning sat out the last quarter is all you need to know about the differences between Tony Dungy and Bill Belichick as human beings.  Old Bill would have run up that score to 10 TDs if he was coaching that game.  I realize as I write this that the Lions are on the wrong end of so many of these big games.

10.  Brandon Moore’s Ass – 2012 vs New England Patriots – 1 Buttfumble Forced

What can I say about this as a Jets fan.  This play will live on forever in infamy.  I am definitely not thankful for it.  But, in a strange way, this play was great.  Great for mockery, but still great.  Listen to Chris Collinsworth and his remarkably awful account of how this play happened.

Honorable Mention: Matthew Stafford – 2012 vs Houston Texans – 31/61, 441 yards, 2 TDs

Ok, so this is not the greatest performance.  Stafford barely completed 50% of his passes.  But I’ll be damned if anyone else has come close to leading the Lions to a win on Thanksgiving in the last 9 years.  Stafford got the Lions to OT, only to have a Jason Hanson 47 yard field goal attempt hit the right upright.  Six plays later, the Texans won.  Even I felt bad.

Will any one else add to Thanksgiving folklore this year? Megatron? Eddie Lacy? Big Ben? The Irish QBs Named Matt – McGloin and Flynn?

Only time will tell.  Whatever happens, enjoy the greatest day on earth.

Derrick Rose has already gotten a lot of heat in the past year for how he handled the rehabilitation of his knee after undergoing ACL reconstruction surgery.  Now it seems that Rose is dealing with a another injury, albeit minor, the dreaded “neck soreness”.

Now, sitting here at my computer I have no idea why Rose’s neck is sore.  Maybe he slept funny.  Maybe he twisted it a bit chasing after his dog.  I haven’t a clue.  But whatever it is, it was bothering him enough for it to become newsworthy.  So what does a trainer do when the team’s most precious investment has neck pain? Throw some tape on it!

It also comes in fancy pastel colors.

The tape the Rose is wearing is called Kinesiotape.  Kenzo Kase, a Japenese chiropractor, invented the stuff about 30 years ago, initially using it on sumo wrestlers.  The tape experienced a huge popularity boost in the Unites States when Kerri Walsh, of volleyball gold medal fame with her partner Misty May, began sporting the tape because of a shoulder injury.  Everyone started saying “what’s that?” and, lo and behold, Kinesiotape was all over the shelves.

Kinesio tape also provides Olympic gold medals.

Kinesiotape is an elastic, cotton-based tape that can (allegedly) provide help in a number of ways.  The theory behind it is that it gently pulls and lifts the skin when applied, stimulating the vascular system and providing an increase in blood flow to a given area.  Depending on the shape of application and tension placed on the tape, one can gain pain relief, a decrease in muscle spasm, swelling relief, muscle activation or deactivation, or proprioceptive feedback (telling your brain where a part of your body is).

There is some research to support its use for a variety of injuries, but its not overwhelmingly positive.  However, some of the best support is in favor of using it for acute neck pain.  In other words, if your patient comes down with a sudden bout of neck pain you can reasonably slap some tape on there and see if it helps.  I’ve done this many times with my patient and it often works.  Is it science? Placebo? The answer is: who cares if it is safe, cost-effective, and it helps your patient?

“Keeping my neck stable,” Rose said when asked about the tape according to ESPN. “When you have a crick in your neck it’s kind of hard to turn side to side so it’s kind of keeping my neck in line and making sure my vertebraes are safe.”

Or is it like this magic rock that keeps tigers away?

I don’t think the tape is doing all that.  But most importantly: “He thinks it helps him,” says Bulls head coach Tom Thibodeau. “So we’re good with it.”

When your star player thinks it helps, whether its kinesio tape or magic underpants, you let him wear it.

I said I think Bob Wischusen was awful.

Here’s why I said that and why I feel that.

I’ve listened to the games.

Bob Wischusen spends 3 hours a week grinding his vocal chords and screaming at the top of his lungs about any particular play.

And if you’re driving and all of a sudden your speakers are broken because of a 3 yard out route to Kellen Winslow made Bob Wischusen scream like he was calling the Apocalypse, it might make you agree with me.  Now imagine, that on nearly any play with a gain of more that 2 yards that doesn’t immediately end, that happens, and you’ll understand.

He has no sense of the moment.  When you scream at every play, when a big play happens, it’s no big deal.

Two Important points that need to be made:

A) Bob Wischusen is not good because other announcers suck.  That’s not how things like this work.  You are not a good painter because I am a bad one.  You may be better than me, but that doesn’t make you good.

If you dislike Obama, that doesn’t make Bush a good president.  Same as disliking Bush doesn’t make Obama a good President.

B) If John Sterling, who gets hammered in the press by complete hacks like Bob Raissman for being a homer and wildly overcalling routine plays, can’t get away with it, then neither should Bob Wischusen.  They do the exact same thing.  Only Sterling doesn’t sound like a motorcycle with a shitty muffler. 

Back to the retweet

Seriously, can we be honest for a minute #jets fans? Bob Wischusen is awful. Right?

— AFR Sports (@AFR_Sports) September 9, 2013

If you notice there’s one face in the retweet box.  You know who that is?

BOB WISCHUSEN!!!

Bob Wischusen retweeted a (in my opinion) fairly innocuous insult.

If you can follow the timeline it looks like this:  At approximately 8:05 pm on Spetember 12th, 3 days after the initial tweet.

Kickoff at Gillette in 20 mins on @ESPNNY98_7FM #Jets v #Patriots pic.twitter.com/IelNaWtsvg

— Bob Wischusen (@espnbob) September 13, 2013

He makes one more tweet, then he retweeted us.

I know he retweeted us before the game started because at about 8:12 pm we were hit with a lot of people defending Bob Wischusen.

The Jets-Patriots Drop-A-Thon started at 8:25 pm.

This means that 15 minutes before the game Bob Wischusen was searching for himself on twitter.

15 minutes before the game, that he was going to call on the radio began, he was playing on Twitter, looking himself up.

Or, as some have said to me, their could have been “people” who searched for him (interns, low-level production personnel).  To me, that’s worse.  That would mean that someone had to search Bob Wischusen, on twitter, filter through the literally, tens of possible tweets, find mine, go to Bob Wischusen during a break and inform him of it, then ask Bob Wischusen what he would like to be done about it.  Then, 15 MINUTES BEFORE THE START OF THE GAME THAT HE WAS TO CALL, Bob Wischusen had to make a decision about a single tweet that he was the subject of.

What a world we live in.

What’s funny is the only reason he could have had to retweet this, was to have his fans and followers deluge us with a barrage of “BOB’S GREAT YOU DICKHEAD LOLZ!! FUCK YOU BOB IS GOD! LMFAO!!

He was trying to be a bully.

You know what’s really awesome?

It didn’t happen.

Sure, we got a bunch of responses, but to a man, not one of them was out of line or insulting.

Nah RT “@AFR_Sports: Seriously, can we be honest for a minute #jets fans? Bob Wischusen is awful. Right?”

— Drew (@DrewfromJersey) September 13, 2013

That was pretty representative of the responses we got.  I was surprised that no one got personal or went crazy.  Way to go Bob fans!

Can we call Bob Wischusen fans Bobbies?  The Wis-Chosen Ones?  Bob-bleheads?

I like the Wis-Chosen Ones!

I will now, in fairness, compliment Bob Wischusen, with legitimate and honest intentions.

• Bob Wischusen, when not screaming and grinding like a madman, has a great voice for radio.

• Bob Wischusen reads Ad copy phenomenally.  He actually makes it flow and isn’t super act-y.  Mike and Mike can get a lesson from him.

• Bob Wischusen does a good job relaying a lot of information quickly.  Calling football can’t be easy.

I’d like to take a moment to invite Bob Wischusen to be interviewed by us.  If this ever gets to him, and I doubt it will, the interview can be on his terms, will not be hostile at all and he can call me any name in the book, completely off the record. 

But if he did respond to us, I wouldn’t back off of what I said either.  That would be dishonest.  Sure I got caught throwing a barb at someone who I didn’t think would notice, but I meant what I said, as much as I mean the compliments here as well.

And For Fun, here’s Bob Wischusen mixing up holidays, juxtaposing Christmas with what happens at Chanukah.

NOT MY VOICE!  NOT MY POST!

Tweet

 Are You A Wis-Chosen One?  Tweet to @AFR_Sports

It’s a game about a game.

Within this game, we try to assign a point total to reflect a real performance by a player.  In American football, with 22 moving parts on the field at all times each having an impact on the outcome, it is very difficult to distill the true value of a player down to a number or two. That’s why groups like Football Outsiders are always coming up with gigantic formulas to try to compress 500 variables into one numerical output.  In fantasy football, we want a little more simplicity. We want yards, TDs, and if you want to get super fancy, receptions.  It’s more fun that way.

However, there is a big discrepancy between real performance and fantasy performance when it comes to quarterbacks, much bigger than with any other position. With backs and receivers, efficiency plays a role but yards and TDs tell a lot of the story.  You don’t hear “that guy’s a great running back in fantasy but not in real life” very often.  You hear it with QBs all the time. There’s a reason why you can win a fantasy championship with Tony Romo as your quarterback and…well you get the idea.  In addition, there are some QBs who play efficiently and generally are very good at what they do and would never sniff your fantasy roster.

I first became acutely aware of this watching Eli Manning and Michael Vick earlier in their careers.  I’d sit, frustrated, watching Manning throw ball after ball in the dirt, completing a little more than 50% of his passes.  Yet somehow, he’d come up with 15 fantasy points because he had 225 yards, 2 TDs, and a pick, a decent fantasy day.  Vick was even more maddening to me, as he’d have a stat line like this: 14 for 27, 154 yards, 1 int, 68 rushing yards and a rushing TD – aka 16 points, again a decent day.  Meanwhile, a look at the game for both these players would reveal an offense that couldn’t move the ball, usually a double digit loss, and some garbage time yards and a score that boosted their numbers.  I hated this idea.

On the flip side, I was watching Chad Pennington years ago when he was with my beloved Jets and afterwards with the hated Dolphins.  Pennington had games with 225 yards too, with 2 TDs, maybe an interception here and there.  But he was 15 for 20.  Sustained drives.  Played within an efficient offense.  And yet, at the end of the day, his numbers looked just like Manning’s or Vick’s.

That’s fantasy football, I’d hear people say.

Hogwash.

The NFL is a quarterback driven league, especially today.  In my belief, we need to close the gap a bit between how the QB plays in real life and how they are represented in fantasy football.  So I came up with a very simple way to include completion percentage – albeit a bit flawed and incomplete measure of efficiency – in fantasy football numbers.

For every complete pass, a QB gets 0.6 points.  For every incomplete pass, a QB gets -1 points.  It sounds weird, but hear me out.

In the NFL, the idea of completing just 60% of your passes and being elite is dead (despite what John Clayton says).  It doesn’t mean you are bad, but a quick look at the numbers reveals that you need 60% just to be ranked in the top 20.

(Please click to enlarge)

So with my idea, the threshold for gaining points because of your percentage is right above 60%:

5/10 = -2 points

6/10 = -0.4 points

7/10 = 1.2 points

Now, some may say “why not just award points for percentage in a tiered system (ie, 60-64% = +1, 65-69 = +3, etc or something like that).  By taking each throw into account, you can reward a QB for sustaining a high percentage for longer.  Let’s use 2/3 (about 67%) as an example:

2/3 = 0.2 points

4/6 = 0.4 points

8/12 = 0.8 points

16/24 = 1.6 points

The longer a QB does well, the more points are awarded to him.

Let’s look at how using this rule in my league last year worked out. Here are the juxtaposed numbers with standard ESPN rules and my league’s rules:

(Please click to enlarge)

That’s the top 20.  What’s interesting is that 19 of 20 QBs are the same, but the deck has been shuffled.  Rodgers jumps to the top, a hair ahead of Peyton Manning and then Matt Ryan.  Josh Freeman is off the list, replaced by Philip Rivers.  There are slight jumps and falls within the list that represent bonuses for efficiency, not just chucking the ball 50 times per game (like Andy Dalton jumping over Matt Stafford, or Matt Schaub leaping over Josh Freeman).

The most polarizing figure here is Andrew Luck.  Luck was lauded all year for his play, especially in big moments.  Amazingly, he was the third best rookie QB last year, behind Russell Wilson and RGIII. Yet in standard fantasy leagues, he was ranked ahead of Wilson and just behind RGIII.

Luck did some great things last year.  His team went 11-5 (although his Colts were literally the worst 11-5 team in the history of the NFL) and he came up very big in the fourth quarter a number of times.  More was asked of Luck than any other rookie QB, as he attempted the most passes for a rookie in NFL history and had the most yardage ever for a rookie as well.

However…

He is the poster child for why I think completion percentage should be included in fantasy football.  He had many games where he absolutely crippled his offense with incomplete after incomplete, only to finish with big yardage numbers and a few TDs and a great fantasy day.  The best two examples of this are week 3 against Jacksonville and week 13 against Detroit:

Luck was a rookie, and this is not a smear campaign.  But should we be rewarding a QB who can’t complete 50% of his passes but plays in a pass-happy offense and chucks it enough to wind up with tons of yards? I don’t think so.

To nail my point home, let’s put another game next to Luck’s week 13:

Aaron Rodgers played a truly impressive game.  Luck did not.  It’s reflected the Luck’s paltry QBR.  However, you’d never know it by looking at the standard fantasy numbers.

While not perfect, my completion points system isn’t complicated, and it will help avoid those “bad real-life, great fantasy” performances that happen so often with QBs.

You’re in a bar, it’s not that late but you’re getting tired of being your buddy’s wingman.  It’s smoky and you have work in the morning.  Out of the corner of your eye, you notice someone.

But just any someone.  A woman.  A beautiful woman.

The most beautiful woman you’ve ever seen.

Her.

Yes. Her. This is my fantasy.

You strike up a conversation.  It’s amazing.

You’re into sports?  She plays Fantasy.

You’re into fitness?  She runs 5 miles a day.

You’re into Dungeons and Dragons?  She’s a 14th Level Rogue with several levels in fighter, just to max damage!

It’s perfect.

You court for a while.

She fills in the little gaps in your life.  You let her drive your car, she buys you clothes to look sharp at work.

Then you decide to seal the deal.

Her body is better than you can imagine.  You are so happy you could just explode.

And then…it just…happens.

You take a day and talk it over with your buddies.

“Well of course” they say “you build it up so much, of course it was gonna be a let down.”

Good point.

You take  her out on another date.  You go home.  You seal the deal.

And it’s so good you speak in tongues.

You’re telling everybody that this chick is the one.  You can see yourself settling down with this chick.

And if the other night was any indication, you’ll be happy every day.

She moves in.

It’s a little shaky at first, but that’s to be expected.

I mean, two people have to get used to each other.

So what if she forgot to flush that one time.  She was in a rush and it didn’t stink up your place too bad.

Yes, she left the door open and your pet bird, the one you got from your uncle who passed away and that you’ve had for 15 years, got out.  It could happen to anyone.

And the physical stuff…well it’s never been as good as that one time, but it’s still good.  Well it’s consistent.  Maybe consistent isn’t the word.  But it’s still better than all of your friends have.  So you don’t want to complain.

But you miss that bird.

But every now and again the sex is just crazy stupid.  Like the kind of sex that makes you call out of work two days later.  Even though most of the time it’s vanilla at best and really disappointing at worst, you keep thinking each time that “this will be one of the good times.”

Time passes and all of a sudden she’s very comfortable in your place.

She’s farting.  Loudly.

She stops buying you clothes and pitching in for gas money.

But once every two or three months she drops the bomb on you and you don’t care.  It makes it all worth it.

Your friends notice a change.  Your apartment smells, because that not flushing thing, is a quirk of hers, a new-age green movement thing.

Other women, women with careers are interested in you and you won’t even talk to them because this girl, this girl who leaves poops in the toilet for hours and killed your bird is the one.

Your friends don’t like her.  They keep telling you to move on.  She’s unreliable.  Too comfortable.  You were born and raised in Brooklyn, she’s from San Diego.

One night, your friends trail her.

They swear to you that she’s untrustworthy.  That all of the time and effort you’ve put in, she’s not putting back.

“But”, you tell them “You don’t understand.  The sex.  Holy sweet mother of pearl.”

“Right,” they say, “Is it always like that?”

“Well no.  It’s actually pretty bad most times.”

“Then what the heck is wrong with you?”

“I’ve got so much time put in!”

You have just said the worst words for any relationship.

You are now stuck in a relationship because you are stuck in a relationship.

You realize that this girl, this great girl, that you once thought was the one, isn’t.  But what are you supposed to do?  Just kick her out?  Let her walk away?  You know if you do that, she’s gonna lose fifteen pounds, hit the gym hard, flush that toilet and move in next door.

That sucks.  And you know it’s true.  She’s going to become the knockout you always dreamed of.  You’re gonna hear her giving the give all the time.  The good give.  The give that kept you around for all that time.

There’s nothing you can do about it.  You gotta suck it up and take your lumps.  Admit your mistake and realize that wasted time shouldn’t be followed by more wasted time.

And that crazy, untrustworthy, farting, non-flushing, girl:

Is Phil Hughes.

Phil Fucking Hughes.

Phil Hughes was the next big thing.  An A+, can’t miss, once-in-a-lifetime, No-Doubt-about-it, sure thing.

He started with real potential.  Showed flashes of brilliance.  Took a no-hitter into the seventh against Texas, then got hurt.

Comes back and struggles.  But he’s young, so okay.

Gets moved to the bullpen.

Dominates.

He moves back into the rotation in 2010, dominates early, makes the All-Star Game before completely shitting the bed hitting the “arm fatigue” wall.

Shows enough poise and potential to stay in rotation despite being made of terra cotta.

Which brings us to 2013.

There are days when this happens:

This would be “the good nights”

And A lot more days when this happens:

 Bird Cage left open

and this

Not Paying for Gas

And this

Poop Water

And everyone in New York is ready to just leave flaming bags of poop on his doorstep.

 

This is what sucks.  You can’t just cut him (he’s got the keys to your place), You can’t trade him (all of your friends knows she’s nuts), You can’t offer arbitration, cause he’ll take it (you can’t marry her, because, poop water).

You have to let him go.

He’ll go play in San Diego and you can watch him lose the CC Sabathia weight he’s put on and be awesome.

As an aside, am I crazy, or does hughes look like he’s gone to the CC Sabathia school of athletic training?

You have to let him go though.

Because when it comes to Phil Hughes, much like that ex-girlfriend we’ve all had,

The fucking you’re getting, ain’t worth the fucking you’re getting.

Who’s your teams crazy girl from the bar? Tell us: Tweet to @AFR_Sports