Somebody pay me million million dollar to be piece of shit garbage Tony Romo I be happy

— The Iron Sheik (@the_ironsheik) March 29, 2013

Now of course, The Iron Sheik is just testing us.  What is saying, no what he is demanding of all us, is to look deep within ourselves and ask what do we have and what do we need to make us happy.

You see, The Sheik knows he is the Living Legend.  Yet, he knows that he peaked too soon.  An older man, an elder statesman if you will, he realizes that the riches showered upon this generation are far greater than those showered upon his.  He is also testifying to the fact that the work of the Sheik and his era was far greater, and in less than the ideal circumstances.  Harder travel, worse doctors, less sophisticated technology.

And the Sheik wouldn’t change it for a moment.  And he doesn’t want you to either.

See, you would have to pay him a million, million dollar or – $1,000,000,000,000 or 1 Trillion.

He would give up his legacy for an amount of money that no man has.

He wants you to be happy with what you have.

You’re you.  You’re great.  Even if you don’t have millions.

Tony Romo has millions.  But according to the Sheik is “Piece of shit garbage.”

Sheik knows money can’t buy happiness.

Respect the legend.

Is there any doubt that if this happened today, SportsCenter would replay this for 12 straight hours.

Pope Francis the real or the jabroni?

— The Iron Sheik (@the_ironsheik) March 14, 2013

The Iron Sheik has stated himself to be a Sunni Muslim.  He has watched with the Roman Catholic Church appoint a new Pope.  He is trusting that the new Pope, Pope Francis, will be true leader.

But deeper, The Iron Sheik is question the very fabric of Leadership.  The Iron Sheik is casting aside the shadows of the Church to say “Hey, who are you to say you are so important.  I am a man just like you.  No matter what group of men elect you, you are no better than any other one of God’s creatures.”  The Iron Sheik believes, as is obvious by this tweet, that we are all God’s children.

The Real or the Jabroni?  The Pope may just be a Jabroni to the Iron Sheik.  But the Iron Sheik knows he will lead as a humble servant.

And that will make him The Real.

Team Sheikie.

Jack Black.  The Iron Sheik.

That is all.

Much Respect to Haiti.  You should have put Jables in the Camel Clutch!

TEAM SHEIKIE.

This is where we share with you the wit and wisdom found from tweets by The Iron Sheik.

A little Background.

The Iron Sheik was born in Iran.  He participated in the 1968 Mexico Olympics, representing his country in Greco Roman wrestling.  You might remember the ’68 Olympics for something else though.

Pictured: What you know about the ’68 Olympics. Not Pictured: The Iron Sheik

After, he became a professional wrestler.  A foreign wrestler with an accent most evil.  And A handlebar mustache.  And horned boots, that he would stamp three times to “load a foreign object” into.  He was the WWF world Heavyweight Champion and was the man whom Hulk Hogan Defeated en route to becoming the greatest human being that ever lived.

As an aside, My dad was there.  He describes the match as “He Hulked in, we went crazy and two minutes later he Hulks out.  We didn’t have time to sit down!”

Anyway, he has since semi-retired, and has gone on to become a staple on Howard Stern and Opie and Anthony.  He’s a staple on those programs because he is a complete maniac.

A. Complete. Goddamn. Fucking. Maniac.

And Team Sheikie is here to share some of his tweets.  And give you the wisdom buried therein.

Enjoy what’s to come.

Which is why it is incredibly interesting, that this man, this behemoth, this nightmare on the gridiron wants you to know that it’s all right to cry.

Free to Be You and Me.  And when Rosie Grier says “It’s all right to cry” what he really means is : “Start crying now!”

My favorite part about this whole thing is that Rosie Greer, who would know that he was supposed to block a certain person on a certain angle for a certain time and then murdertackle someone just by listening to certain letters and numbers shouted in order but did not know that when faking guitar you should strum and change chords!

But after a hard day of crying, Rosie thinks it’s important that you focus on your career and learn a trade.  Possibly needlepoint.

 

This. Man. Is. Terrifying. Wonderful.

Soccer Players are the biggest fakers.

Soccer Players don’t mess around

The fun starts at 39 seconds.  In what looks like a small time match, a referee is doing his thing and Yellow cards a player.  That player comes to debate him and puts his hands on the referee.  The referee in turn – punches the player with a light swooping punch.  He has no power coming from his core, it’s an arm and shoulder punch.

Do you all see that tiny moment of reaction when the player decides, in true Soccer fashion, that the hit should floor him?  His bullshit fake-o-meter is so finely tuned that he can’t even help but flop.  That’s why people can’t get into soccer in America because the flopping is so obvious.

But my favorite is – during the chase – because of course there is a chase, all of the players are attempting to kick him.  They throw wacky mid-air flying kicks like they are Liu freaking Kang.

But you’re going to tell me the NBA wouldn’t be 100000 times better if Dick Bavetta couldn’t throw a right cross to LeBron?

Welcome Back to another edition of YouTube Greatness.

Ladies and Gentlemen, there has been a dark cloud hanging over the NBA for nearly 20 years.  A conspiracy that rises all the way to the top.  The NBA has covered up an egregious scam, rivaling the entirity of the Tim Donaghy scandal.

Here I’d like to show you the Highlights of the 1993 NBA Slam Dunk Contest.  Or as I like to call it, The Time Cedric Ceballos Cheated Us All (but mostly Larry Johnson) Out Of The Championship.

Why do I call it that?

Because Cedric Ceballos freaking Cheated!

The Winning dunk saw Cedric don a blindfold, one-upping Dee Brown’s previous No Look Dunk, running down the court and dunking.

It was spectacular and true feat of athletic ability and muscle memory.

Except there is no way you can ever convince me that Cedric Ceballos couldn’t see.

The Proof?  at 3:21 of the Video Mr. Ceballos takes off for the basket, apparantley unable to see.

He takes off from the sideline beyond half court, on a trajectory that would take him about 8 feet to the (viewers) left of the basket.

At 3:22, As he reaches the top of the key he suddenly CHANGES HIS DIRECTION, angling DIRECTLY TOWARDS the basket.

At 3:23, the height of his villainy, Mr. Ceballos, dunks the basketball.

Blindfolded.

Horseshit.

If he couldn’t see (and whom, may I ask, inspected that Blind Fold?) then how the heck did he know where he was and when to change direction? It’s not as if he ran from the middle of Half Court and had to just count steps.  He ran and changed direction and ended up perfectly in the middle for a blindfolded dunk.

Completely impossible.

He could see.  The angle change is a dead give-away.  And having a former Dunk Contest Champion living a lie sets a horrible example for the children.  He should have been immediately disqualified.

Cedric Ceballos, abdicate your throne and give it to its rightful owner.

Larry Johnson was robbed.

Your move, David Stern