The biggest issue for the Hall of Fame is what constitutes as a Hall of Fame Career.

With the offensive numbers being rethought, is 3,000 hits, or 500 homers a guarantee?

Is it the Hall of Fame (Babe Ruth) or the Hall of Really Good For A Really Long Time (Craig Biggio…eventually)

At what point does the Eye Test give way to Advanced Metrics?

And can advanced metrics really replace the Eye Test?

I mean if you’re not a Hall of Famer the first 14 times you’re eligible…

So the way to fix the Hall of Fame, and I mean EVERY SINGLE Hall of Fame is to create an actual set of rules to define a Hall of Fame Career.

HOW TO DEFINE A HALL OF FAME CAREER

1.  Did you ever have your own video game franchise or were a cover athlete on a Video Game?

If you had your own video game franchise then it stands to reason that you were famous and awesome.  Since it takes a long time to make a game and get the legalities of licensing done, you are probably famous and awesome for some time.

As individual athletes are not getting their own franchises anymore, the cover athlete is the new gauge.  While it can only one per sport game, it’s a good bet to say that if you were the cover athlete then you were a combination of great and famous for a season.  The downside to this is, as it’s a one season thing and they rotate cover athletes you have the opportunity to get a “Peyton Hillis” and not a “Peyton Manning.”

This Game Is Awesome.  Also, Hall of Famer.

In: Derek Jeter, Frank Thomas, Tony Parker, Charles Barkeley,

Out: Hillis, Craig Biggio, Larry Johnson

2.  Did friends make rules about not playing as you in a Video Game?

A much forgotten video game, NFL FEVER 2003 got played a lot in my dorm room.  It had a few elements that Madden eventually stole.  But the biggest thing about it was that Marshall Faulk was un-freaking-stoppable.  To the point where it stopped being fun to play against the Rams.  So Paul and I made a rule, either no one could be the Rams, or we both could be.  And so it came to be that nearly every game played in that Dorm Room was Rams vs. Rams.

And let’s not forget that Michael Vick changed an entire video game franchise by being incredible.

In: Bo Jackson, Michael Vick, Marhsall Faulk, Manny Ramirez, Scottie Pippen (NBA Jam), Shaquille O’Neal, Tim Wakefield

Out: Craig Biggio, Toni Kucoc, Vince Young

3.  Would someone reset a draft because the computer took you early?

If you play Madden and claim that you never reset a franchise draft because you got a bad pick, you are a filthy liar.

In: Peyton Manning, Tom Brady, Wayne Gretzky, Sidney Crosby,

Out: Any kicker ever

4.  Is your rookie card worth a sum of money greater then $1.00 prior to your election?

It’s pretty simple business.  If you are great then your card has value.

If your rookie card is on EBay and it’s going for 30 cents, you’re not a hall of famer.

If your rookie card was ever part of a give-away on HSN, you’re not a Hall of Famer.

In:

Graded. Asking 1,500.

Out:

My favorite player of all time. Asking 50 cents. He’s not getting it.

5.  Were you ever absolved of a crime, that if you weren’t so good, would have gotten you fired from any other job?

One day we’ll have to explain to our alien overlords that while laws were very important, if it somehow interfered with football, baseball, basketball or the college versions of those sports, we would generally let it slide.

If you ran a gun, drug, crime, murder ring and got away with it, you might be a hall of famer.

Because as a society we find rape disgusting and abhorrent, unless of course there’s a big game in which case it wasn’t actually rape, but a Sherriff that hates my school trying to get over.

In: OJ Simpson, Jameis Winston, Ty Cobb

Out: Sam Hurd, Lenny Dykstra, Elijah Dukes, Rafael Palmeiro

6.  Do people ask your opinion on sports even though you are babbling moron/horrible person/there is no possible way you can explain your greatness to others?

Listen for reason, people seem to think that they can ask Magic Johnson what Iman Shumpert should do in certain situations.  Ever the showman you’ll get a good answer about the game.  But the fact is, there is nothing, NOTHING that Magic Johnson, Larry Bird, Michael Jordan, Derek Jeter, Ken Griffey Jr can tell a reporter or another athlete.

Is their answer supposed to be “Well in that situation you should just see four moves ahead and let time slow down.”

Because that’s the only thing they can actually say!

The Babbling idiot part doesn’t really come into baseball as there are so many voices that they don’t need ex players, but football?  Sweet Baby Jesus!

Most importantly, you can NOT be a TV guy because of your “dedication”, “Hustle”, or “work ethic.”  Those are all code words for “not that great”, which is WHY you make a great TV guy.

In: Emmitt Smith, Shaq,

Out: John Kruk, Joe Girardi, Ron Darling

7.  What is your Hotient?

This is essentially the Derek Jeter Wing of the Hall Of Fame.

Famous women love famous athletes.  And you can tell a Hall of Fame Career by the ladies he’s been with.

Derek Jeter dated Mariah Carey, when Mariah Carey was still hot, and she may not even be in the top ten of the girls he’s been with.

A-Rod has Kate Hudson and Madonna (Two Golden Globes and an Oscar nominee)

Tony Parker had Eva Longoria.

That’s hall of fame trim for Hall of Fame athletes.

Lamar Odom has the one Kardashian that looked like she drank from the wrong cup of Christ.

Pictured: Khloe Kardashian?

So if you tally the length of your career by the sheer amount of crazy hot women you are with you come up with your Ho Quotient or y0ur “Hotient!”

In: Derek Jeter, A-Rod, Wayne Gretzky, Tom Brady

Out: Lamar Odom, Tony Romo

8.  Were you in a movie, either as yourself or named after a deity?

Ty Cobb was the first athlete to star in  movie.  He was the greatest to ever play ball.  It was all downhill from there.

 

Yeah Barry, your hat size is the same…

In: Barry Bonds, Ken Griffey Jr, Ray Allen

Out: Kevin Elster, Gary Payton

9.  Did you do a shitty local commercial?

Adam Graves was a great hockey player.  When he helped the Rangers win the Stanley Cup the sky was the limit.  So what did he do?

Somehow its WORSE in my memory

If you are so good at what you do, that local business will give you a free car just so you can use your celebrite to hock their product, your a Hall of Famer.  If the local business will go nearly broke just to have you, your a Hall of Famer.

And if you are fucking awful in it, to the point where there is no acting coach in the world that could save, that a wooden plank at Lowe’s has more range, that it makes no sense because you’re rich and why the hell would you go to Brooklyn to buy a Volvo…You might just be a Hall of Famer

In: Adam Graves,

Out: Peyton Manning (he’s national)

10.  Did People actually give a shit about you?

This really is the argument against the Advanced Metrics crowd.  Because you can tell me about VORP and Park Adjusted Defense Accumulated Swing and Miss Ration.  You can go on and on about WAR and what it is good for (absolutely nothing).  But the fact remains, no matter how high Craig Biggio’s WAR was, no matter how low Jack Morris’s Innings adjusted, League Inflated, Time Differentialed ERA was, no one, absolutely no one, outside of the women that birthed those guys, gave a shit about them.

Nobody ever said, “Get in the car son, we’ve gotta go see Biggio hit a double!” or “Jack Morris is in town? Well GOOLLLLEEEEY! We’ve gotta see him give up 4 runs in 7 innings before we die!”

And somehow, despite managing 3,000 hits, 500 homeruns and one congressional lie, Rafael Palmiero is a guy that no one, ever, at any time, truly gave two shits about.  That’s impressive.  And That means you’re NOT a hall of Famer, Rafael.

In: Derek Jeter, Barry Bonds, Roger Clemens, Mike Piazza

Out: Craig Biggio, Jack Morris, Tim Raines, Rafael Palmeiro

And That’s the point.  Craig Biggio is going to be a Hall Of Famer – FAME – despite not having FAME.  We need to redefine what the word FAME means, or what the Hall is about.  Greatness?  or Goodness?

But if you look up my rules, and you can do well by them, You are absolutely a Hall of Famer!

Tell Carlo what else needs to be a rule: Tweet to @AFR_Sports

Howard to change the fortunes of a franchise.  A player who can create his own shot and score in any manner and who can win a scoring title.  To a rational person he’s a volume scorer who has a brutal playoff record and to whom “defense” is just a theory.

Defense, that’s a deniable theory, just like…

So the question remains; what the heck should the Knicks do with Carmelo Anthony.

Do they trade him? 

That would effectively signal “We’re rebuilding” which in NY is a no-no.

Or worse, it would say “Boy were we wrong.”  And when you screw the pooch on your big free agent signing and then on your big trade, it’s tough

 to admit it.

Do they keep him?

If they keep him, and therefore extend him, they’ll be stuck paying max dollars over max years to a player who is only going to get worse and will be in his Mid-Thirties by the end.

Keeping him would mean that they need to bring in help, so they would have to wait out Amar’e to get his money off the books (any trade of him will likely get a worse contract back).  So then you’re wasting TWO years of your franchise players end prime.

Knicks fans need to face reality.  With Carmelo Anthony this team is going nowhere.  Due to terrible management, coaching, discipline and play the Knicks will not contend this year (they were never real contenders last year either), next year and unless there’s a crazy shakeup (Aliens abduct the Pacers and Lebron Decides to become a Mennonite) they won’t be real contenders in 2016 either.

And let’s make it clear, Carmelo knows this too.

So if keeping your star means you aren’t a contender for the rest of the Obama administration, you should probably think long and hard about trading him.  You can’t let your best player walk away for nothing.

Trading for Melo is tricky though.  The Knicks would need draft picks and either a young controllable star, or a nice expiring contract.

There are only three teams that make any sense to take Melo.

Chicago – which waved bye-bye to trading for Melo after making the Deng trade.

LA Clippers – which is the hip destination and they have some pieces.  Though it begs to ask, why would Doc Rivers go to LA only to try to move their most marketable star in 6 months?

LA Lakers – This is the city that Melo wants.  Melo is the star that LA needs.  LA may not have the draft picks that would make the Knicks swoon, but they do have an expiring contract that they can’t wait to get rid of and a desperate need for a second star once Kobe heads off to the glue factory.

And what’s better – This trade makes sense and can work!

If the Lakers add 2 picks, the Knicks can make out like bandits.  They can rebuild through the draft, plus have Gasol’s 19 million and Amare’s 21 million off in successive seasons.  Even if you assume that LA will be a decent to good team and that the picks will be mid-rounders, you can add to the (presumably) high picks the Knicks will get on account of their the Knicks and either package those picks for some talent (Kevin Love) or you can build an actual team.  Then with the money you have, you can buy a lot of talent.

Or you know, you can keep Melo, never make it out of the second round, and keep deluding yourself that if “he only had another star then he wouldn’t shoot as much.”

I’d make the smart business decision.

Oh crap, James Dolan is involved…

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They have handled the general trials of a football season with all the grace of a fat idiot with a limited vocabulary trying to explain the human condition.

Somebody say my  name?

From MRSA, to the leaks coming out of the locker room about Josh Freeman, to handling of Josh Freeman, to the whole team just being a farce, the Bucs have been lousy.  When a team is that lousy it, and the locker room is in disarray it falls on the head coach.

Greg Schiano.

And Greg Schiano is not a good NFL Head Coach.

Without  getting to much into pop-psychology it seems that Greg Schiano hasn’t quite figured out that the nonsense that works at Mid-Level University football programs doesn’t translate to the NFL, where you are dealing withHow can I sow disharmony today? players who make WAAAAAYYYY more than him and the cult of personality that college coaches have doesn’t matter.

Greg Schiano will most likely be fired.  And with good reason.

But we’ll be seeing more of Greg Schiano.  First in college, and then again in the NFL.

There’s one reason.  It has not nothing to do with football acumen.

Greg Schiano looks the part.

How can I sow disharmony today?

You may think it sounds ridiculous, but it matters.

It matters a lot.

Hollywood movie casting is entirely about the look.  Pro Wrestling is entirely about the look.

And When you go on a job interview, you dress real nice like.

Would you hire a guy dressed like this as your Dentist?

No. You would not.

He doesn’t look the part.

It’s all about the look.

So after Greg Schiano gets canned, he’s going to be looking for work at some point.

He’ll go to another college, get a job and then in just a few seasons, there will be an opening in the NFL.

They’ll need a tough coach, an owners coach, not a players coach.

And then right out of central casting, a square jawed, thick set,  tanned, slightly greying at the temples disciplinarian will walk through the door.

He’ll impress the GM and owner.

He’ll get the job.

Like in any business, you want to dress for the job you want.

Greg Schiano just looks like a head coach.

Any knucklehead can learn plays and schemes.  That’s not a coach.

A coach has to have Charisma.

Charisma counts.  A head coach is nothing but charisma.

For Greg Schiano, that might just be all that matters.

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BOOM!

The quarterback gets taken down.

Hard.

Something like this.

 He doesn’t get up.  He’s grabbing his throwing shoulder.  It doesn’t look good.

A few minutes later, through the magic of technology, and the fact that no one can keep their mouths shut word gets out.

Torn Labrum.

Out For Season.

 And there’s an Ambulance Driver wanted for Manslaughter

You turn to your backup quarterback.  The guy who’s there for just such an emergency.

The guy you are paying to BACK UP the starter.

And what happens as soon as the game is over?

You start looking for someone to replace the backup.

Such is the case for the St. Louis Rams and Kellen Clemens.

But it’s sort of a league wide issue.

I’ve talked before about sunk cost theory (short read: whatever you’ve paid in the past has no bearing on what you expect in the future.)

But cases like this transcend that theory, because the moment the person who is given the opportunity to perform the job that he is paid to do, you take the job away from him!

When Sam Bradford went out, St. Louis, in their infinite wisdom, contacted Bret Favre.

800 year old, hasn’t played in years, Bret Favre.

What the heck is going on!?

When you are an NFL GM you have a limited budget to work with, and a guy who, in a perfect world, never plays for you, isn’t the highest priority.  You still have to have some faith.

If you have no faith in the guy you employ, then he shouldn’t be employed by you.

I understand that Kellen Clemens is not a very good quarterback.  I understand that Kellen Clemens is not a very good 2nd Quarterback.  I’m a Jets fan, I saw it.  I get it.

But what I don’t get is, if the moment you NEED Kellen Clemens you do everything in your power to not use him…

THEN WHY THE HELL ARE YOU PAYING KELLEN CLEMENS!

And yes, I understand that St. Louis has no 3rd QB on their roster.

But you don’t call Bret Favre to come out of retirement to backup the guy who backed him up on the Jets in 2008.

As a manager, if you never entertained the thought of “Gee, how the heck am I going to react if Kellen Clemens becomes my starter” then you have failed as a manager.  Because if you asked yourself that, then you wouldn’t be scouring the scrap heap for someone else.

Trading for a QB is separate issue, in this case.  As it’s right before the deadline, you might be able to pry another backup from a different team that has had some more success or has worked with your OC.  But that is potentially a future investment, where you believe there is a chance of success and y0u might be able to re-sign or keep him.

However, when you are faced with a situation, that again, you are completely prepared for, and you think the best course of action is find a guy who isn’t playing to play for you, you are making it clear that you are not going to compete.

And you have failed as a manager.

Just ask Josh Freeman how easy it is to learn a new offense in 2 weeks.

You are doing your team a disservice.  The Backup has been working with the team and has some sort of rapport.  And again, this is the sole purpose of his existence on your team.  Now you’re telling the team, hey, all the work you did?  Screw you.

If you don’t want Clemens, and plan on trading for Jason Campbell, then SIGN JASON CAMPBELL.

While Campbell may have a higher price tag (again this is the Theory of Jason Campbell), you won’t have to go out and sign the guy after paying someone else to do the job you want him to do!

People hammered the Washington Monuments when they drafted Kirk Cousins after RGIII.  But they were right.  Not only because RGIII got hurt, but because the guy they trust to run the offense should Griffen get hurt, is the guy the have to run the offense should Griffen get hurt.

It’s why you pair young qb’s with veterans.  It’s why you pair veterans with a  young pair of legs.  So that you continue on.

Bottom line, when you desperately try to replace your now starting backup, you have paid someone for a job you don’t want them to do.

Because if Kellen Clemens can’t lead an offense, that’s fine.

But someone who thinks that, hired him.

That’s not on Kellen Clemens.  That’s on management.

Rams fans? Talk to me! Tweet to @AFR_Sports

Browns fans are apoplectic.

The Cleveland Browns.  Sometimes you just wonder, “what on earth are you doing here, Cleveland Browns?”

But they won’t answer back.

The newest “What on Earth are you doing here, Cleveland Browns?” came today, when they traded former 3rd overall pick Trent Richardson to the Indianapolis Colts.

The Same Trent Richardson for whom the Browns traded the 4th, 118th, 139th and 211th picks to Vikings to move up ONE spot and get Trent Richardson.

To the same Colts who had the 1st overall pick in that same draft.  (You may have heard of the kid they took.)

This move was undoubtedly about the future.  They saw an opportunity to (theoretically) improve in the future and they took it.

Was Trent Richardson their best talent?

Probably

Was Trent Richardson irreplaceable?

Probably not.

Will The Browns rue this day?

It’s the Browns, of course they will!

Fans all over are killing the Browns, for the reasons I’ve stated above.

@PlayMakaSwag Yesss! I am pretty hyped about Trent Richardson.. Thank you Cleveland for being dysfunctional! lol

— Joi (@IndyJoi) September 19, 2013

You’ll hear a lot of this “You traded a first, fourth, fifth and seventh pick to get One season and two games out of Trent and ONLY get back a middle first rounder?”

Which is correct.  But not what anyone should be outraged about.

You see Trent Richardson is a model for “Sunken Cost”

A Sunk Cost is a cost that cannot be recovered once it has been incurred.

So A car you buy for you 10 grand, you can resell for 8 grand.  You have a sunk cost of 2 grand.

So Trent Richardson has a sunk cost of 4 draft picks.  You can never get those back.

And, like a car, you cannot expect those back.

So when the Browns traded a running back that was never getting them to a Super Bowl (not that he wasn’t their best player) they got a first rounder.

Those that believe they shorted themselves in the deal may be right, but only if they believe that Cleveland could have gotten a better deal.

Anyone that believes that Trent Richardson warranted more than a first rounder because of what The Browns paid for him, has fallen victim to the sunk cost fallacy.

The Sunk Cost Fallacy is what makes you continually put money for repairs into your shitty used car because, “Well I’ve already put 2 grand into it.”

Or it makes you hold on to a player that your front office believes is not the guy, simply because you traded up for him.

Or worse, it makes you hold on to a Player because you overspent on him even though there’s absolutely no future for him in your organization and you’ll never let him sniff the field, but you’d rather have him do nothing for you then just pay him to leave.

Did Somebody Mention Me?

So, though I’m certain in pure Cleveland fashion this will manage to blow up in their face, the Browns made smart, prudent, forward thinking decision.

They gave up a guy that doesn’t fit in with their plans.  And they did it while he still had great value.

They made the right decision.  That I’m sure of.

Now of course, they have to not blow the pick they got.

That I’m not so sure of!

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Today, these players would be fined roughly the Gross GDP of Tonga 

Receivers are given free reign to catch.  You can no longer commit felonious battery as they cut across the middle.  A defender can not lead with the crown of their helmet, turning themselves into a missile. 

You can no longer powerbomb a receiver.

That would have put King Harley Race down for the count.

QB’s Can not be hit by a downed defender, around the knees, around the ankles, above the neck, in the back, in locker room, in your dreams, when they slide, when they are in the process of sliding or when they are thinking about sliding.

So, when the NFL announced its rules for defending the Read Option, it made no friggin’ sense.

Dean Blandino, NFL’s VP of Officiating said 

“When the quarterback puts the ball in the running back’s belly, the referee doesn’t know who has the football, the defender doesn’t know who has the football, so if it’s a bang-bang split second, then yes, he can hit the quarterback.  But if the quarterback has clearly handed off the football, and he’s standing still, or fading backwards, he cannot be unnecessarily contacted, and that doesn’t matter if it’s a read-option quarterback or a classic drop-back quarterback. If they’re standing still or fading backward after the ball has left their hand, they cannot be unnecessarily contacted.”

A Bang-Bang split second play means it’s ok to attempt to sterilize the quarterback?

But when a wide receiver catches the ball and sees a safety coming, ducks his head to protect himself, and the safety, unable to contort himself in the .8 milliseconds before contact hits him in the helmet, that’s going to worth $25 grand?

Most importantly, when exactly does this rule take effect and not take effect?

If Peyton Manning is handing off, can he be obliterated like a running back?

No?  Because he’s not running the Read-Option?  Oh, sure that makes sense.

See, you can create a rule for only certain people, to be enforced at only certain times, and only if they are running a certain offensive scheme.

FortyNiners Head coach and not at all Type A Psychopath Jim Harbaugh had a little to say:

“I’m not advocating that they don’t hit the quarterback if he has the ball, but if he’s in the pocket I believe there should be a strike zone. Same strike zone that is given to the quarterback when he’s in the pocket and throwing the ball. I feel like you give a license now to players to hit quarterbacks at the knee or in the head.”

He’s right.  Blandino has screwed the pooch on this.

In essence, the NFL has put a bounty out on certain quarterbacks.

If I’m a linebacker, I’ll take a clean shot a quarterback, and maybe even at his legs, just like a running back, since I CAN!

There are only 32 people on the planet with the skills to be an NFL starting quarterback.

And Half of them aren’t good at it.

So if I can get a clean shot at Russell Wilson, make him miss a few plays, or series, or games.  I’m taking it.  Especially because he’s not afforded the same protections as Tom Brady.

What does “CLEARLY HANDED THE BALL OFF” mean?  Especially when the point of the Read Option is that you don’t know what the quarterback has decided to do.

You think you can stop 250 pounds of force in half a second, while trying to avoid and see around a 6 and a half foot tall wall of meat because you can’t tell if Colin Kaepernick has actually handed the ball off?

Are the QB’s supposed to throw their empty hands up?

And how the hell are they going to stand still?

There are ways around this.  A strike zone for QB’s in the pocket, is a starter (and possibly something that’s coming to the game on a whole…but that’s another article)

It’s dumb, short-sighted, and going to put some of the most exciting players in the game in harms way.

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Now as you may imagine, due to my size, I was not exactly blessed with the worlds greatest athletic attributes.  But what I lacked in skill I made for in hustle and heart and other things little white kids were told to mask the fact that they sucked.

I was legitimately adept at the following things:  Stealing bases and getting hit by pitches.  One generally led to the other.  With limping.  And tears.  Lots of tears.  I got hit a lot.

Each year I followed a similar path.  I would start the first ten games with a batting average of about .075 but an On Base Percentage of about .600.  The rest was almost exclusively strikeouts.

After the first ten games I would stop being terrified and start swinging, scrounging a few hits.

Then, without fail, the last three or four games of the season, and then the playoffs I would become Ty Friggin’ Cobb.

I could pull the ball.  I could go opposite field.  I could put the ball into the gaps and anything hit in the infield I could outrun.

I could hit.

Mike Konstantinidis was not small.  A strong kid with decent command and zip on his pitches.  Though he didn’t have most “mustard” on his pitches in the league, he threw hard and had the ability to take a little something off.  If it wasn’t for him you could easily change over 3 or 4 wins yearly, to losses.

Mike and I were best friends.  We spent time in school together, were in a bowling league together and slept over each others house about 17 weekends in a row at one point.  We would play soldiers of fortune, reenacting scenes from our favorite video games

Pictured: Ten Year Old Me and Mike

We would go swimming, play the new Super Nintendo and act like maniac children.

Sunday mornings, when I slept at his house, we would go to the Vegas Diner, a cultural and artistic hotspot, for breakfast where I learned two very important lessons from Mike’s mom, Janet.

Always tip well.

Never call a grown woman “She.”

Bohemia

It was wonderful.

Thus it was fated that Mike’s Phillies would play Carlo’s Reds in a one game playoff where the winner would have the right to slaughtered by AFR Steve’s Yankees.

AFR Carlo and AFR Steve seen here at five years old.       I’m the cute one.

It was a hard fought game but The Phillies were pulling away.  The Reds played valiantly, even at one time allowing a kid with a broken leg and full on leg cast bat.  Don’t laugh, the kid launched bombs and then walked to first!  Alas it looked like this wasn’t the year for Carlo and the Reds.

Final inning.  The St. Bernadette Phillies are holding on to a one run lead and the home team Reds come up to bat.

The bottom of the line-up is due up and it looks ugly.

They have called in Mike Konstantinidis to close out the season.

Broken leg kid lines out.  The coaches son races out a dribbler to third.  Hit batsman.  Ground out.  Walk.

The Phillies defense did little to help Mike.

Bases Loaded.

Down 1.

Two out.

Up comes Mike’s best friend.

Best Friends Forced To Do Battle.

I was going to use the Star Trek Fight, but come on, I’m totally Optimus Prime

I didn’t want to lose.  I didn’t want to let my team down.

I grabbed a different bat than one I normally used.  An orange bat with blue stars.  This bat still had hits in it.

I stepped in.

Mike stares in and comes to the set.

He throws a fireball that I could not even think about swinging at.

Strike one.

He throws another flame but this is in tight.  Mike is sending a message.

There is no friendship.

Ball One.

He checks the runner at first.  He’s tipped his hand.  He’s nervous.

He tosses a slower pitch and I get under it.  The pop up to catcher should end this.  The ball hits the fence.  A reprieve.

Strike two.

Mike wipes his brow.

The next pitch bounces.

Two and two.

Mike rears back and throws a ball with some movement.  He later called it a curve.  I was not expecting the break.

I wait.  My hands in tight.  I swing.

The ball rockets off my bat lining straight up the first base line.  I was late.  I did not intend to go opposite field.  And even if I did, I don’t have that kind of skill to go straight down the line.

The first baseman, Eddie Boyle leaps.

I haven’t left the batters box.

The ball goes over the outstretched glove of  the first baseman.

Fair Ball!

By the time I’m ten feet up the line the first runner has already scored.

The ball hasn’t landed.  I got all of it.

Running faster than I ever had, I make a turn wide enough to qualify me as an outfielder.  As I get to second and start for third, my coach is running onto the field, waving his arms in a circle across his body, in what to any other kid would be the sign for NO! STOP! GO BACK!

So I did what any other kid would do.  I ran back to second.

Then I started for third again, cause I wanted a goddamn grand slam.

I never got to third.  It didn’t matter.  I was mobbed between second and third, hugged and slapped, all the while screaming, Am I Out?  I have to get to third!  Is this ok?!

It was more than ok.

An hour or so later, when I got home, I was talking with my Mother about the game and how great it felt.  I said “I just wish it didn’t come against Mike.”

“Why don’t you call him?”

“You think he’ll want to talk to me?”

“Sure.  It’s part of the game.”

“Can you do it?”  I asked, meekly.

And she did.  I overheard my mother talking with Mrs. Konstantinidis and understood that Mike had been upset and was crying.

Winning didn’t feel so good.

“Well, would Mike want to talk to Carlo?”  and with that, my Mother handed me the phone.

I didn’t really know what to say, so I started with a simple “Hey.”

“Hey” he replied.  You could hear in his voice that he had been crying.

“You pitched a good game.  Heck you were the best player on your team.  I got lucky.”  That may have been the most honest sentence I’ve ever said in my life.

“I threw you the slowest curveball…” he seemed to be debating his pitch repertoire as opposed to talking to me.  “But you had a good game.”

“I thought Eddie was gonna catch it”

“Nah, I knew it was over once you hit it”

“Well, just wanted you to know that, you know, I didn’t mean it.”  Which is of course absurd given the very nature of sports is to intentionally succeed.

“Next time I’ll get you out.”

“I hope we got to try.”

We never got to try.  Mike moved across the country, very abruptly, about two months later.

Inasmuch as I meant to hit that grand slam double and win and beat my friend I didn’t.

I wanted to win.  I didn’t want to hurt my friend.

And at 10 years old I learned a pretty important lesson

Life is a zero sum game.

But man is it better when you’ve got the +1!

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You’re in a bar, it’s not that late but you’re getting tired of being your buddy’s wingman.  It’s smoky and you have work in the morning.  Out of the corner of your eye, you notice someone.

But just any someone.  A woman.  A beautiful woman.

The most beautiful woman you’ve ever seen.

Her.

Yes. Her. This is my fantasy.

You strike up a conversation.  It’s amazing.

You’re into sports?  She plays Fantasy.

You’re into fitness?  She runs 5 miles a day.

You’re into Dungeons and Dragons?  She’s a 14th Level Rogue with several levels in fighter, just to max damage!

It’s perfect.

You court for a while.

She fills in the little gaps in your life.  You let her drive your car, she buys you clothes to look sharp at work.

Then you decide to seal the deal.

Her body is better than you can imagine.  You are so happy you could just explode.

And then…it just…happens.

You take a day and talk it over with your buddies.

“Well of course” they say “you build it up so much, of course it was gonna be a let down.”

Good point.

You take  her out on another date.  You go home.  You seal the deal.

And it’s so good you speak in tongues.

You’re telling everybody that this chick is the one.  You can see yourself settling down with this chick.

And if the other night was any indication, you’ll be happy every day.

She moves in.

It’s a little shaky at first, but that’s to be expected.

I mean, two people have to get used to each other.

So what if she forgot to flush that one time.  She was in a rush and it didn’t stink up your place too bad.

Yes, she left the door open and your pet bird, the one you got from your uncle who passed away and that you’ve had for 15 years, got out.  It could happen to anyone.

And the physical stuff…well it’s never been as good as that one time, but it’s still good.  Well it’s consistent.  Maybe consistent isn’t the word.  But it’s still better than all of your friends have.  So you don’t want to complain.

But you miss that bird.

But every now and again the sex is just crazy stupid.  Like the kind of sex that makes you call out of work two days later.  Even though most of the time it’s vanilla at best and really disappointing at worst, you keep thinking each time that “this will be one of the good times.”

Time passes and all of a sudden she’s very comfortable in your place.

She’s farting.  Loudly.

She stops buying you clothes and pitching in for gas money.

But once every two or three months she drops the bomb on you and you don’t care.  It makes it all worth it.

Your friends notice a change.  Your apartment smells, because that not flushing thing, is a quirk of hers, a new-age green movement thing.

Other women, women with careers are interested in you and you won’t even talk to them because this girl, this girl who leaves poops in the toilet for hours and killed your bird is the one.

Your friends don’t like her.  They keep telling you to move on.  She’s unreliable.  Too comfortable.  You were born and raised in Brooklyn, she’s from San Diego.

One night, your friends trail her.

They swear to you that she’s untrustworthy.  That all of the time and effort you’ve put in, she’s not putting back.

“But”, you tell them “You don’t understand.  The sex.  Holy sweet mother of pearl.”

“Right,” they say, “Is it always like that?”

“Well no.  It’s actually pretty bad most times.”

“Then what the heck is wrong with you?”

“I’ve got so much time put in!”

You have just said the worst words for any relationship.

You are now stuck in a relationship because you are stuck in a relationship.

You realize that this girl, this great girl, that you once thought was the one, isn’t.  But what are you supposed to do?  Just kick her out?  Let her walk away?  You know if you do that, she’s gonna lose fifteen pounds, hit the gym hard, flush that toilet and move in next door.

That sucks.  And you know it’s true.  She’s going to become the knockout you always dreamed of.  You’re gonna hear her giving the give all the time.  The good give.  The give that kept you around for all that time.

There’s nothing you can do about it.  You gotta suck it up and take your lumps.  Admit your mistake and realize that wasted time shouldn’t be followed by more wasted time.

And that crazy, untrustworthy, farting, non-flushing, girl:

Is Phil Hughes.

Phil Fucking Hughes.

Phil Hughes was the next big thing.  An A+, can’t miss, once-in-a-lifetime, No-Doubt-about-it, sure thing.

He started with real potential.  Showed flashes of brilliance.  Took a no-hitter into the seventh against Texas, then got hurt.

Comes back and struggles.  But he’s young, so okay.

Gets moved to the bullpen.

Dominates.

He moves back into the rotation in 2010, dominates early, makes the All-Star Game before completely shitting the bed hitting the “arm fatigue” wall.

Shows enough poise and potential to stay in rotation despite being made of terra cotta.

Which brings us to 2013.

There are days when this happens:

This would be “the good nights”

And A lot more days when this happens:

 Bird Cage left open

and this

Not Paying for Gas

And this

Poop Water

And everyone in New York is ready to just leave flaming bags of poop on his doorstep.

 

This is what sucks.  You can’t just cut him (he’s got the keys to your place), You can’t trade him (all of your friends knows she’s nuts), You can’t offer arbitration, cause he’ll take it (you can’t marry her, because, poop water).

You have to let him go.

He’ll go play in San Diego and you can watch him lose the CC Sabathia weight he’s put on and be awesome.

As an aside, am I crazy, or does hughes look like he’s gone to the CC Sabathia school of athletic training?

You have to let him go though.

Because when it comes to Phil Hughes, much like that ex-girlfriend we’ve all had,

The fucking you’re getting, ain’t worth the fucking you’re getting.

Who’s your teams crazy girl from the bar? Tell us: Tweet to @AFR_Sports

And they need to shut their stupid mouths.

Joe Girardi has never met a game he couldn’t overmanage.  He over relies on his binder and worships at the altar of “matchups.”

And he’s kept the Yankees in it so far.

Let’s make a few things clear:

The Yankees aren’t struggling because Joe Girardi is overmanaging the pen.

The Yankees aren’t struggling because Joe Girardi lives in his binder.

The Yankees aren’t struggling because Joe Girardi plays matchups.

The Yankees are struggling because they have a AAA team plus Robbie Cano.  (Who is currently batting about 800 points shy of his ability.)

They are struggling because, despite what “fans” say, there is a reason the Boston Red Sox let Lyle Overbay go, just a few days before the start of the season, knowing the Yankees needed a first basemen.

They are struggling because Vernon Wells, who was only supposed to be an everyday player until Granderson came back in May, has been pressed into service way longer than he should.

They are struggling because Robinson Cano has no protection around him, forcing him to see and swing at awful pitches, and making him have, what under any other circumstance would be considered a terrible contract year push.

Like what I did, but opposite.

Vernon Wells struck out 3 times yet Girardi continues to bat him clean up #firegirardi

— Chris Donnellan (@GenerousChris) June 27, 2013

Well, who exactly would Casey Stengel bat 4th?  Travis Hafner?  Who can’t hit much better.  Ichiro?  Maybe he should use his teams best all around bat.  The one who is top 5 in Homers, second in steals, 3rd in obp…Brett Gardner.

That’s what this team is reduced to.  Brett Freaking Gardner is your second best bat.  And It may not even be close.

Fire Girardi?

Girardi didn’t break Grandy’s hand or Jeter’s ankle or A-Rod’s hip or Youk’s back.

But He’s doing the best with what he has.

And His best right now, is 2 games out of the Wild Card and 6 back of the division lead.

2 games out.  While starting Austin Romine (who can’t hit) and Chris Stewart (who can’t catch).

2 games out.  While starting Jayson Nix and Reid Breignac.

What other manager could oversee his team losing their first basemen (TEX), shortstop (JETER), third baseman (A-ROD), Backup third baseman (YOUKILIS), backup-backup third baseman (NUNEZ), Center fielder (GRANDY) and catcher (CERVELLI).

If Casey Stengel were alive he’d die rather than coach this lineup.

Are we supposed to believe these “fans” and assume that ANYONE but Girardi could make this a better team.  That, because it’s the Yankees, any available, or unavailable, manager would be desperate to work here.

Yes.  Desperate to work in front of fans who demand you get fired, when you are doing the best job of your career.

Fire Girardi?

Joe Girardi won Manager of the Year with the Marlins and he finished under .500.

If the Yankees are above .500 at the end of the year, and can make the playoffs, he should absolutely be Manager of the Year again.  If the Yankees can end the season with 82 wins, Joe Girardi’s tombstone should read “I WON 82 FUCKING GAMES WHILE STARTING JAYSON NIX AND CHRIS STEWART AND VERNON WELLS.”

You may not be a fan of Girardi’s style.  But credit is due.  This team has NO business being in the thick of the race.  But there they are.  And if Joe Girardi isn’t overmanaging and playing every matchup, then maybe the Yankees aren’t in it.

When you have a lineup of future hall of famers, it’s easy to sit back and “play your gut feelings.”  You don’t get to do that when the players on the field are a bunch of retreads.  You have to work.  Girardi is working.  And what he’s doing is working.

And the unbearable pink hat wearing, name on the back the jersey having, under 30 being, die hard since 98-ing, Empty Yankee Stadium never seeing, not old enough to have seen Don Mattingly play “fans” that want Joe Girardi fired?

Somebody say unbearable?

Take a walk.

Go away.

Learn something about baseball other than “The Yankees have money, should spend money, let’s get Albert Pujols cause we’re the Yankees, Sox Suck.”

You’ll appreciate the game more.

And The game will be more bearable for everyone else.

Fire Girardi?

Good Grief.

Think Girardi Should Be Fired? Tell Carlo: Tweet to @AFR_Sports

The people that promote him, point to his winning the Cup in Tampa Bay.  Which was impressive.

It was also ten years ago.

The people that promote him, point to his curt attitude with the media, as a function of his intensity and focus.  And how that resonates with fans.

It doesn’t.

He bullies a writer.  What a winner.

You see, Bill Bellichick can be a complete dick to the media if he wanted to.  He could answer every question the Globe asks him with a smiling “Go Fuck Yourself” and he’d get away with it.  Because he won.

In New York, Tortorella’s team had a tendency to come up short.  And in New York if you ain’t won, you ain’t here.

And John Tortorella, you ain’t won.  So you ain’t here.

But who replaces him?

It’s a prestige job by nature of being in New York, at the Garden and with the media accolades that you can get for winning.

It’s high pressure.  High work volume.  High Anxiety.

It has to be a winner.  A winner with a pedigree.  A winner with a pedigree that can embrace the spotlight.

The rumors are swirling that the Captain himself is interested.

No, No.  Not This one.

Mark Messier.

The First One!

Though he has no head coaching experience, he is a special assistant to GM Glen Sather.  He is a star, in a star driven city.  He is fawned over by the media.  He cries at the drop of a hat.

He’s perfect.

Except he isn’t.

Mark Messier might be the worst pick for a head coach whose name doesn’t rhyme with Blaine Schmetsky.

Here is why:

He has no Head Coaching Experience:

For all of his greatness, Mark Messier has never worked inside the bench while wearing a suit.  He hasn’t been an assistant coach.  He may know hockey, he may be one of the great leaders in any sport, but New York is not the most polite place for on the job training.

The Honeymoon won’t last:

Messier is loved in New York.  He may even get a full season out of, “well, it’s Mess, let’s give him some time” from the media.  But eventually the results will have to be there.  The results have to be better than his predecessor.  Which means he has to take over a team that advanced to the second round and get them to the conference finals or beyond.  Otherwise, firing Tortorella was unnecessary.  So what happens after a season when the Rangers drop 6 straight and only come up with 2 points.  Think the media will just let it slide?  Think they’ll keep softballing him questions?  It’ll get ugly.

You cant teach what he knows:

What all time greats made great Head Coaches?  You can’t use Bill Russell because Bill Russell got to coach Bill Russell.  Beyond X’s and O’s, which he no doubt knows, what can he teach?  You can’t coach “Go be awesome like me” and “Why aren’t you over there, I’d be over there!”  That’s the issue with great players becoming coaches.  Very few players get to that level.  It’s rarefied air.  You have players that can’t reach the expectations placed on them.  A Head Coach who can’t lead with actions like he did as a player.  It’s a recipe for disaster.

It could hurt his legacy:

Messier is one of the greats to ever lace up skates.  Full disclosure, if I was starting a team, I would take him over Gretzky.  I understand Gretzky is “The Great One” and was the Jordan of the NHL.  But Messier won without him.  Twice.  I’m a fan.

If Messier gets the job there are a few scenarios that can play out.

1) He could lead them to a cup.  Which would cement his legacy and reputation and guarantee that he never pays for any meal in New York City for life.

2) He leads them to some playoffs appearances but nothing particularly special.  Becoming an ugly footnote to his career.  “Yeah Messier was great, but remember when he coached the Rangers and they weren’t any good.”

3) He misses the playoffs or exits the playoffs early to lower seeded teams a few years in a row.  He gets fired.  Publicly.  Think about that.  Because coaches rarely get to retire.  They get fired.  And when they get fired it’s because their team sucks.

So think about this, it’s almost guaranteed that Mark Messier will be publicly fired by the team he carried to a Stanley Cup victory because the team is bad.

I hope I’m wrong.

I hope that Messier gets the job and rolls off a string of success that the Rangers have never seen.

I hope he bucks the trend and becomes a legend as a coach and a player.

In other words, The Anti-Me

I just don’t think I will be.

Tell us what you think in the Comments below or Tweet at us: Tweet to @AFR_Sports

To Contact Carlo, or any AFRSports columnist, please E-Mail: Contact@AFRSports.com